5.55pm

well hello 2005, goodbye 2004! havent written for ages (mainly because have been busy get drunk/feeling v.hungover) but had a good xmas, but am really glad is over as can get back to healthy eating and start a fun excersise plan (surely a contradiction?) i have most surely enjoyed keeping this journal of all my ups and downs of life from october but i feel its time to get on with my life/eating without writting what i eat down, i think i will be fine, cant wait to get rid of the xmas 'love chub' but do feel good abouT the forth coming years. These last coupe of months have been good, bad, ugly, thrilling, exciting and sometimes disappointing. I'm still single and happy with it, i think the one thing that the new year has bought me is a feeling of vague hopefullness, that if i just let nature take its course maybe just maybe i will meet (i refuse to say mr.right) but mr right now..... ho hum...with of corse some help from my faithful friend....the reliable bottle of moet!

so i will conclude here thank you for reading my journal, and hope you all have a fabulous, champagne filled 2005!!!!

12.25am

ahhh, friends have finally gone home, was very good xmas though had fabulous time on the 23rd with k &m actually worked out really well, got several xmas hugs and kisses from cute waiter and was unexpectidly invited to parents neighbours house for xmas eve and they just happen to have VERY CUTE so spent evening in his room! no not doing anyway naughty listenning to him play his guitar and trying (feebly) to identify what he was playing being succesful on one turn... 'mmm isn't that the red hot chilies?' felt very cool and hip when he sexily looked up and said 'yer'... anway now xmas is over can start up detox am not even going to go on scales...did not do to badly food wise this xmas...maybe too many guylian but have only had today; glass of orange, piece of salami, 1 lindor. am just going to drink fruit tea then am off to think its bristol and bath, with parents am staying in friends house then seeing family...all a bit stressful but  good...willl probally be spending new year with auty and cousins... which will be a laugh....but literally cannot face family trying to set me up with 'rich bachelors'...

9.40am

considering was out till 12.00 last night and drunk lots of red and white wine feel very refreshed had a suprisngly fabulous time with everyone at bar, and even was greeted by cute with a big hug and a kiss on the cheek which was a perfect move because a) k & m were behind me and b) because cute waiter is gorgeous and was a fabulous hug!

had a fab time with k and m seems to me that k has got over me a bit which is good...totoally platonic...although he did look good aswell. well as it is xmas i am not going to list what i have eaten mainly because i'm generally too hung over to remember but becaue its chrismastime and i think we should all enjoy it and not worry well on the detox again after boxing day.

so HAPPY CHRISTMAS!

3.11pm

well yesterday seems like a blur has been manic, christmas has been aranged ...cancelled re-arranged...bit stressful to be honest i dont know M&D had an argument or something with people who are coming but apparently everything is alright, ahhh the joys of christmas....so much is happening have no idea what  i'm doing for new year anymore,,,,but i do know that k and m are coming today to go out with there parnets and mine....its all just a bit too much...havent wrapped pressies yet, and tomoz is xmas eve! PANIC!! HAD;pan au choclate for breaky, and sandwhich and coffe for lunch ...oh gotta rush...

12.02pm

apparently the temperature in the pool is not high enough so we are gonna have a dip tonight, in the meanwhil will do some yoga and excersie, yes have my joggin bottoms on and my sports gear (black top) will get going.

11.50.

round at my parents house for xmas, and am going SWIMMING  in a minute yes, swimming, feel very pampered, have just had, salmon sandwhich and a choco from my calnedar.

10.05pm

right am going to majorly excersie, because am meeting up with some old family frineds who i have known all my life for dinner, the husband and wive are my M&D's friends, and they have two sons, who are called lets say, um, k and m well, m was kinda my childhood sweet heart and his brother k had/has a crush on me so all very complicated, but m is absolutley goegeous and sweet and good and okay going down the old route have got over him, but the wierd thing is that we are all meeting up in the bar with cute waiter....talk about crossing my guys! ahhh its just all so confusing! But am totally determined to look fabulous and very over him, well with me flirting with cute waiter might make both brother jealous, or just confuse matters even more! Just had dinner had, cous cous, pasta salad and bacon, and a couple of chocos... will drink herbal tea tomorow and go foe joggs and excersie yes i shall look wonderful!

6.59pm

ahh, what a day, had lunch with elle and spent day with her, she looked rather ill and thin, we talked and talked about why she looked so gaunt and everything is sorted out she just had some emotional issues that needed to be sorted out, went to collect my xmas pressie from sar, and have got SO MANY XMAS pressie s its unbelivable! i have got a hamper from selfridges from the indian husband which is yum, had, coffe, desert wine, chocolate, mince pies and everything fabulous so feel tired but happy as have made everyone feel better and i do indeed feel spoilt and pampered as have got about 5 bags of pressies! have had a chiken sald, decaf latte, hot choco, 3 chocos all together, had no breaky as was in a terrible rush to get out and do some last minute shopping and collect and meet up with people!

5.11pm

had 4 celebrations and hot choco earlier, and went shopping, whilst i was shopping suddenly remebred that my grandmother and 1 of my uncles from my fathers side and my M &D were having dinner and wanted me to be there!panick as you can imagine so rushed back picked out christmassy outfit, and am with mum and dad, is nice being with them feel very festive but with that comes all the arguments and debates such as mum suggesting that ;

'you must learn to cook and learn to look after yourself!'..... my reply being

'well the only thing i've made in the kitchen is a whole load of mess, and several fires!' unfortunately dont think mum appreciates my truthful humour,

'not being able to look after yourself is not something to boast about' blah blah etc...

But i love em' anyway, despite all thier crazy ramblings and lectures! oh must get changed!

1.46pm

have just had a piece of toast and butter , which was not the most interesting lunch in the world, but it will do. Have just done lots of dancing which is a good cardio excersise, very bored at the moment, what should i do later? mmm maybe will go into town, or maybe will ring elle or go out?

11.49am

woke up about an hour ago had some breaky; 1 sausage 1 piece of toast , watching santa claus 2....which is always good for getting me in the xmas mood... am actually looking farward to christmas, with all my family and friends, it strange feeling weirdly nostalgic, the pressents, the fire, the christmas tree, the sparkly tops and shirts, the partys! ahhhh am actually really yearning to be with my mum and dad!

7.31pm

ahhhh have toally forgoten what i have eaten today but have done lots of excersise ...mainly dancing but its all good! am very tired and will drink lots of herbal tea tomorow and might go on a jog, scary thought! am watching bad american tv...why is all american tv bumped up with canned laughter !!! Am looking forward to xmas, getting very festive , have been researching 1920s fashion looking good, i'm thinking lots of pearls, feathers, high heels!

3.06pm

went shopping earlier....was sucseeful, got dad a couple of gadgets....and mum just some accsesories. went to bar where cute waiter works, was sweet but he was flirting with one of the waitresses, mind you he is very flirty and could chatt up a pile of potatoes, had baby vegs and pie lentils and a hot choco and chocolate anway have got christmas sorted out, going to spend it with mum, dad and there best friends a couple who are called angela and ian, and there daughter and son-in law who i'm good friends with ana are going to be there to... i'm going to go tp the bar with cite waiter with ana and her husband and maybe thier friends, it's 1920's gansta and glam themed and so should be very fun! cute waiter will be working and there will be like 300 people there (plenty of oppotunity for meeting new guys!) Have also met new guy at bar, hes called, George, v.sweet forgetful and lovely, a huge change from cute waiter but now at least have got options!

9.25am

have just woken up, feel very hung over, am having breaky;chicken in soy and then planning to go xmas shopping after a quick shower.

9.20pm

am in heaven just had half a tuna steak and mulled wine, i do make the best cocktails and mulled wine , makes up for my lack of talent in the kitchen! is veeerrrry yummy ha ha feeling a wittlle tipsyy...my head is spinnin

8.27pm

right tomorow am seriously excerciseing! have had a little bowl of carizo sausage at bar with cute waiter....was fun and might even go there for new years eve, cute waiter is goign to be working and a guy there is djing there is a 20's gansta theme which sounds good anyway who could i take???

2.55pm

had lunch earlier had tortia, and blonase (is that how ones spells it?) but was very yummy....will go out later, but have crap headace....

11.05am

in the end did not go to party felt too pooed out with TOM snd everything, but didn't really regret it as apparently was really quite, anyway have got whole xmas holidays in front of me... hurrah! And must call elle, my othere 2 girlfriends sar and sal....we're planning to get together for a girly lunch or dinner, oh and for the first time in ages had glass of red wine (was absolutley yummy) forgott how much i missed it! just had breaky had; tortia, chicken, cheese and low carb mayo. which was very nice and healthy might go shopping later, still haven't bought all the pressies for M&D. and at the moment i'm being really freaked out i think i have one le longer than the other, maybe i'm just being weird but will get it cheaked out in the new year.

8.44am

have come on finally good because i know i will be fine for xmas bad because is party tonight, have decided not to go in for first lecture today as in pain will seee if i even want to go to party tomight but would not be a great loss as half of college dont go because they go home early cause they live in places like america or india or paris...ahhh to be in any of those places instead of horrible polluted city! but i do love london! have just had the centre of a piece of bread to cusion aspin, and have finally come off antibiotics!! HURRAH, SO IS NOT ALL BAD!. was speaking the elle last night she was telling me about her latest crush, sounds like a really nice guy...wish i had a nice guy to have a crush on the guys i seem to pick seem to turn out to be hyper player iditos...right no more negative thinking will be calm collected and positive about today and life...will shine full of confidence and be loved whereever i go (well at least when i finish my TOM!)

9.10AM

A m feeling a little strange as have just been reading through this food diary and i just can't believe how much time i have wasted obsesing about MC, cute waiter ...and stupid things like that , have decided to not obses about guys and act more like a guy in the sense that i bet guys dont think about us all the time and they just have a more straight forward attitude to relationships, i spose its more of a sexual thing for them , but maybe we girls should try out that attitude and have a totally none emotionall attitide to getting a date, yes  thats what i'm gonna do, not worry so much loosen up, have fun and dont worry about being single embrace it and just view guys as a bit of fun,,,, yes feel very empowered.

9.36pm

right havent been to 'detoxy' today had dinner earlier had some spag bol...and then had a mince pie. am going to be so much better at the weekend when partying and drinking is behind me...will start up detox on saturday in the mean while will eat minimal and tomoz night drink maximum! (what i deserve a treat!)

6.29pm

ouch have just been to dentist ...teeth hurt ouch! well at least will find it hard to chew and therefore will not eat as much. earlier had; peparoni, pita bread, 2 oranges and 2 celebrations , so much for detox..oh well?

1.11pm

no no no ..... i've just eaten gor lunch; a mince pie, 3/4 of fruit cake and a biscuit , becasue had friend ound for coffee....oh well will not have any lunch and will not eat until dinner...yes...will control self!

11.54am

ahhh...am finding this whole 'detox' thing hard and have obly been going for a day! But as it is end of term lots of choco is being given out...ahhh and mince pies and cake and wine???!!! ahhhh and have TOM pains...plz dont come on tomoz plz dont come on tomoz.... if i do i will surely scream! anyway kinda stuck to detox had a bit of ham (which is red) a tiny bit of beef and cheese, and just had a little celebration, i know i know choco but i will have what i want but in small portions yer i think that ill work for me!

8.42pm

oh dear had green salad and a healthy red chicken curry, and 3/4 of choco mousse, which is where i went wrong...oh well... right am truly fed up of being single there is only one thing for it....a make -over (not superficially) a mental make-over...to get a guy i have to have more self -confidence and put myself in the way of guys....i think i should stop being so safe and just take some risks it just that i not afraid of rejection, it's just its hard at college because one has to see the potential rejector everyday, so this xmas hols will do me good... i am a beautiful gorgeus sexy woman with many vertues and i am confident, i will put myself out there into the dating world, maybe ask a friend to set me up or something (despreate feelings call for desperate measures!!!)

6.35pm

just came back from art after delivering some pressies to various friends....have had so far ; cranberry juice and 1/2 a biscuit which is not good....but i REALLY want sugar and carbs...isn't life funny when you can't have something it automatically becomes more appealing? strange very strange!

2.57pm

Is it possible to detox while taking antibiotics? Can one drink when one is 'detoxing'?

3.07pm

so head is really hurting right now, don't want to take panadol as already have too many drugs in body (possible?), maybe will go for a refreshing walk (surely refreshing is the wrong word with black polution) okay invigorating walf and will take hot herbal tea out with me like a crazy hippy.

3.23pm

am sipping rasberry tea at moment contemplating the concept of 'detox' and what it means, does one just not eat crap like mcdonalds and chocolate or is it more of a spiritual epiphany, or might i say food epiphany? What SHOULD one eat organic stuff with soil still on it or just cut out all the crap and carbs? aha google will tell me...

3.28pm

typed in detox and about a million results came through, what i apparently need to do is make a 7 day plan...well havent got that long so will make 2 day plan instead of what colours of the foos i'm planning on eating ; breaky, lunch and dinner ... ok then easy enough,

tonight i shall mostly eat green things

tomorow morning will have red things ( good colour to kick start day!)

lunch will stick to green and peach colours (calming)

dinner will have white and green.

friday morning orange and red

lunch brown green

dinner- um well alcohol really what colour is that ...mm...blue green pink yellow....will have the night off as it is party.!

okay so am in control nxt thing on sheet says to ...stop smoking ...mm wow thiers like this charity and and challenge calendar...will give it a miss i think i only re-vamping food habits!

2.47pm

ahhh...yey no more essay for 3 and 1/2 weeks, i break up on friday hurrah....christmas is coming feel a little better except have terrible headace and feel druged anway just ate a mini mince pie and 1/2 a little biscuit. oh and made myself some lunch which was 1/2 piece of bread and bacon . will do some yoga later and must remeber to drink more water if i want to flush all nasty things out of body.

8.58am

am not going to spot noses class because a) have beeen late so many times can't face him again b) because i'm aving several panick attacts. ahhhh i feel so bad am getting all symtons of TOM but no TOM...ahhh is so frustrating because now i dont know weather i'm going to have my TOM for nxt month...so i feel crap"! went to bar last night but cute waiter wasn't there (which is strange considering is always works on a tuesday?) was a little disappointing cause i wore my cute belt and skirt...but anway had; steak sandwich and 1/4 of mars bar. have decided that am going to detox until friday for party (that is if i can go...cause of bloody TOM) but if i am going i am going to look fabulous. ahhh i feel so fat today....my aim is to loose at least 2 pounds before xmas...should be able to do that...and to get more toned up especially on my arms...ahhh i feel sooo faaaatttt.....corse i've got to keep a grip of reality , in reality i'm not fat, its just scientific that during or around a woman TOM she feels bigger and is infact bigger cause i water...blah blah science bit over! MC and i are getting on well...gave him xmas xard seemed happy with it, decided not to buy anyone at college pressie as have no time and not enough money! have just had breaky had; 1/2 a pita little bit of cheese a spoon ful of yogurt. will only have organic food woth dirt still on them today fruit tea the lot...actually might have fruit tea now yes i shall.

3.57pm

have had a salmon pita for breaky

                 bacon salad and choco fudge sunday- (which was absolutley amazingly gorgeous!)

have had good day have mostly given out all cards but still have lots of pressies to buy...ahh the stress....will go out tonight to bar with cute waiter and decide what to do on new years eve!

9.16pm

earlier did some yoga...and then had fabulous choco pud , will be much better if i want to loose some weight by friday for party have got 4 days...will really go for it so much so that will go and have a dance to burn some cals!

6.43pm

just had dinner had...pasta and chicken and 2 clementines and chocolate square. willl do some yoga in a min and then will....well i dont know what i'm going to do tonight something fabulously silly...mmm

6.52pm

like dance madly to crazy bad garage music on mtv...will burn off the calories after all!

5.19pm

ahhhh....Had a hectic but very productive day...got up went to a couple of lectures......then went to bar with cute waiter but waiter was not there but had fun time has have made friends with staff there...had gorgeous salt beef samdwhich, and then went xmas shopping...which was v.good, got elle cactus and M&D lots of pressies from habitat...and then ruushed to spot noses class only to be 50mins late cause the lesson had been bought forward (and nobody had told mE hmmm!) MC giglerling in the corner and bi looking at me smiling! mmmm not very funny! ohhh  an had the yummyest thing costa had thick hot choco and just had 2 pieces of quorn ...very yummy!

8.36am

am just having some scrabbled egg..and then have to rush to college...ahh already late!

4.44pm

ahhh...am tired and emotional exhausted but did well on food had; tomato tart anf fries and chcoco brownie and a mince pie. was good to see cousins but inevitable question came up 'have you got a boyfriend' from various auties...anyway my grandparents hate me mainly because i think they hate my parents and also i think thy envy the type of life i lead....anyway they never really talk to me, my mum at the time was talking to grandad and i thought i would join in...well he just point bland ignored me, so later on dad confronted him and had a bit of an emotional fisty cuffs with him....so much so that grandad didnt come back to my autys for mince pies after and resorted to a double whiskey to take his mind of the truth! but other than that it was alright.....am so tired though....well am breaking up on friday from college so only 5 days to go ...anmd still havent come on hope i dont come on on frieday for party anway no point in worrying not gonna change it.

10.32am

ahhhhh woke up 40 mins ago should have woken up like 2 hrs ago....have done hair, outfit, shoes,, crap xmas cards....need to take antibiotics...and get breaky just had a galaxy choco from clendar...right...calm calm calm...how long will it take to get to where was it ...reading or sonning....well anyway london traffic about 5 hrs...oh shit have to rush

11.02pm

will go to bed now...will get some beauty sleep for tomorow...have just finished 5 min yoga work out....feel good....and am getting into the 'feng shui' frame of mind...crap have i got all the xmas cards for tomoz..oh and my outfit...

8.49pm

how very strange a guy that i met at a party called john, just instant messeged me (all the rage sweetie) saying

'long time no speak, how are you?' 'ohh i gota go xxxx 'see you xxx' 'xjonx' 14 days till xmas xxxxx' 'xxxxxxxxxxx'

now maybe its just me but how many kisses was that? Admittedly he was very cute, maybe even sexy but being that keen is a bit of a turn off...i actually heard he had a girlfriend..mmm so why all kisses maybe he broke up with her...well i'll see what happens?  just had shower and pampered self with clarins oil ....very nice and organice natural herb face mask....see am organic, gorgeous skinned detox diet hippy with wonderful shoes! HURRAH HURRAH.....feel at one with self so much so that just ate 2 clementines, although really miss the booze...prob good at mo...seen as on detox diet (well half detox!) but admittedly cant wait to drink...ahhhh and also cant wait till i dont have to take antibiotics! have already been invited to a new years perty...but have not said yes as will wait for more invirtations oh and have been invited to cocktail party in very expensive area of outer london..on think its 28th well....tiss the season to be jolly after all....

6.51pm

right, have made decision am going to loose lots of weight for 24th of december that gives me 13 days...will not have pudding tonight and will be fabulously good for weeks....and have done a bit of excersise today went on a little walk felt envigorated (prob down to freezing temperatures) will look fabulous for xmas...yes yes...will do some yoga before and after shower just had very healthy dinner had steak and salad and a couple of skittles . ashh god family christmas dinner tomorow well have prdered healthy vegetarian option tomato tart...i dont think i have actually ever seen a fat vegetarian ? mmm will be gorgeous and thin for new year! hurrah

2.46pm

have actually had very productive morning have nearly finished essay (v.good for me) have done some more xmas shopping (mainly for M&D) and have had lunch at bar....cute waiter was there off duty...said hi..but didnt really feel that motivated to really speek to him....i dont know...have to much to think about ...right...am getting into yoga,feng shui and stuff like that at mo....have to be more organised and calm about life....and it has been a good start...have had...; pasta with frankfurters for breaky

                            dacaf latte, chciken rapp for lunch

                            and a cold kenco cappocino just a sec ago.

feel quite good about self actually..and was really nice of dad...was talking to him and he was being really sweet, saying that i was very beautiful, and that i had 'helenic features...a natural beauty'...hes obviously biastis but he NEVER gives compliments so there must be some truth in what he says?

6.25pm

ahhh...yesterday was a bit of a blurr...was v.busy that is why i did not wirte...but do feel so wel to put it plainly frustrated with guys about guys and every thing to do with guys..i want one ...and then i just think that they are crap heads for example today...ricky was teaching me french ...we were walking outside and he was just about to go when he said 'oh and one more thing when you next see a french guy or you're in france say braifai moi' was a little confused shouted to him 'what the hell does braifai moi mean'... his answer being 'oh just a greeting' ...then just as i was walking down some steps to go home a guy who i have seen a around college comes up to me and says 'by the way...braifai moi mean fuck me' ...then he just looked pervy...ahhhh can never trust guys...abyway christmas party nxt friday...and sure i can have alchohol cause i will not be taking antibi...oh talking of drink poetry reading was good yesterday mulled wine even better...and it did no harm..mmm...i so cannot wait for friday ...yey will be able to drink (at least that will help me to appreciate guys --ha ha!) now let me think what i have eaten today okay... have had;

franfurtter, cheese yogurt for breaky

sandwhich and some pasta for lunch

a couple of chocos

mmm...not too bad....am so tired dont think i will go out tonight..went out last night saw cute waiter...oh no just remebered family dinner on sunday..ahhh have got to get organised...outfit..hair ...xmas card/pressies..when the hell am i gonna come on? okay am getting stressed will calm down...

11.48am

ahh throat hurts a bit will keep wrapped up warm....just got back from art class...again was 10 mins late...ahhh have really got to get watch anyway had; kiwi, yogurt meat and 1 piece of toast for breaky,,was very yummy just had guylian, unfortumateley or fortunaltley(depends how one looks at it) box is finished....but am looking forward to later...as college having poetry reading in libary and mulled wine...yum yum...am not really allowed alchahol with antibiotics but a little bit of mulled wine never did anyone any harm...and anyway all the alchahol is cooked off anyway..yes...so i shall have some...just a little bit!

8.51pm

have had way to many guylian today! let me think what have i eaten...mmmm okay; 2 guylian grlic bread salmon and pesto and a choco mousse...am going to like fast until monday...cause my tummy is looking like a balloon....bloody pre TOM.. aahhh

3.49pm

ahhh...have been working hard all day, but did have good day, max is being weird still we're not really talking and he keeps hanging around with this girl ..mmm ...anyway feel very hip and cool...thereis this cute guy in my media class...i'll call him him ricky....anyway he very musical and well i am kinda...play drums and a couple of notes of guitar...well he was going to band room at college...and he knows i like all that 'jammin' stuff so asked if i wanted to come and tag along... 'so now i'm your groupie' i said..anyway..was actually really enjoyable..and i think it is very sexy for a guy to be musical..and boy was he THE MOST AMAZING DRUMMER EVER.... made me feel a little bad...but another guy joined us and we all 'jammed!' got a little carried away and was 10 mins late fot theatre...but i do have an 'artistic licence' and surely that entiltles to me to be because of that! anyway is not too bad day for snacking and such have so far had; beef roll for breaky

                                                                                                   pasta and chicken for lunch

                                                                                                   2 guylian 1 galaxy piece and 3 sweets

so not all bad...but will weigh self on monday has proberly have excess weight down to fluids..ahh sometimes it's really annoying being a woman...ahhh feel so fat at moment..and my TOM hasnt even come but apparently one can put on as much as 3 pounds around the TOM...mmm,....a little ecoraging right now! 

8.34pm

ahhh...what a crazy day got up had no time for breaky...had a beef roll and 2 guylian for lunch...was wierd at college today had generally good day....getting on with guys in media...but MC is acting all funny...well the real word is 'cool'...was in smoking area went up to him said hi....he was with mr.high....and a tall, thin brunette...he started to go all coy and almost giggerly...mmm....????... apparently was talking with friend Lucy she said MC has started to hang around mr high...well felt a little awkard and walked away...all very strange?....still havent come on...Grrrrr...come on...get on with it body...need to be okay for sunday...heaven forbid if i didnt go...mum would surely kill me! anyway better news went late night shopping bought fab peasant skirt...and went to bar with cute waiter....ahhh he gorgeous...talking of gorgeous thats how he greeted me...was really touchey feely...we were all muking around tickling each other...(fun fun fun!)...so am feeling pretty good! oh and had yum steak and hot choco am going to watch some ab fab and maybe have some more choco...he he

8.24pm

have jsut had dinner...had very healthy dinner actually...had; chicken and peparoni and gerkin noodles ...was very nice but very salty so am drinking loads (water that is!)...am putting up christmas tree...getting me into very xmassy mood..now can't wait to get TOM over with for festive celebrations! Like my college party and 'old skool disco!'...which should be fun....MC is apparently going...but unfortuatley mr high will not be there! big horror...but oh well i'm sure other gorgeous tall single guys will be there...mmm..

6.15pm

just got back from college, what a welcome back! whole of spot noses class were saying how much they missed me and...well i will start from beginning...came a little early for class (new me surely?) and spot nose was thier with big grin on his face (not normal) said that guys in class particulally 'missed me presence'...well...didnt know was adored and idolised by guys in clas...well thats good...no its fabulous! And basically was a fabulous lesson! (i know i'm in shock!)caught up with MC ...turns out he feeling ruff....went to smoking area...who was in thier but mr high...but tragedy!!!!! He has a girlfriend already!!!!! i am mortified! we were talking about xmas and he said something along the lines of 'well i'm totally skint at the moment spent all my money on a cartier bracelet for my girlfriend'....how can someone say something like cartier so in such a cavalier maner....its like he was taling about claires accsesories! well am just scoffing some oringinal flavour pringles.....mmm what should i wear tomorow?

1.48pm

ahhhh.....what a busy day! woke up at 10 to 8 ran out side 9.00- had hospital appointment for ear infection...blah blah....cab to hospital...looked at watch already 10.05..lecture at 10.20 takes at least 15 mins to get back to college.....got ride back to college...just literally in time for start of lesson... ahhh.exhausted ...didn't have time for breaky but went to pub to grab lunch...ordered a ' meditareanian vegy goats cheese tart' was horrid...so just had; s&v crisps some cheeses and crackers and salad.

have just taken some MORE antibiotics.....they really dont taste any better and still have about 2 bottles to go....great....ahh and even better to add to all my sudden stress after a week of peace...my mother annonces that she had organised a family christmas dinner for this sunday... i knew she had organised something... just didn't know it was...well so close....ahhh will have to see the WHOLE  family ( and thats a lot of people) is always so exhausting....which continuall questions such as 'found 'the one' yet at college?' and anoying statements from auntys such as 'you will find 'him' one day' or 'your time will come!' ...what time? what 'one' who will i find...have i lost him...ahhh getting confused? and on top of all this i'm due on this week! GREAT!!!

now will take some more antibi's and will do some work in preparation for spot noses class that i have this afternoon...will be good to see everyone...will be good to see MC.

8.54pm

mmmm....have just been watching antony and clepotra (not by choice) it is unessasarely nessasary! went to bar earlier...cute waiter looked happy to see me...asked me if i felt better (how did he know i wasnt well??mnmm) was actually quite flirting with me.....he came to me with open arms (surly good body lanuage) so gave his hand a little sqeeze....a very nice hand it was to....he he...had; bread ,crisps and turkey roast ..what i havent eaten properly for a week!!! feel happy and on top of thing.....(in work terms of corse!)

3.18pm

just came back for walk...so refreshing, i never really take time to 'walk' but just seeing different people, faces roads..it nice to appreciate life....talking about life will now now do some prep notes for spot noses... perfection cant last?

2.17pm

...have had 2 guylian, salmon roll and cream cheese , just had a huge argument with parents....something about my way of life...they dont like it....but the fact is they at one time or another all parents have got to realise that thier little kids have grown up, and are fairly indepemdent people who have opoinions of thier own...ahhh will take medicine and go for walk...might not go shopping or bar as do not feel like it anymore..AHHHH

10.59am

hurrah! i actually feel much better today...am going out shopping and then going to bar with cute waiter...and then will catch up on reading txts for spot noses etc....just a a little piece of beef and some antibiotics for breaky! will get dressed and put some make-up on and then i'm ready to actually socialise again! HURRAH HURRAH!

10.36pm

ahhh...am so missing perving at cute boys bums in spot noses clas when i am bored....can't wait to go back to college..ahhh will be so fabulous to see so many fit guys wandering about...mmmmm...well that is a thought i shall take to bed....aren't dreams a wonderful thing...and oh cannot wait to have some wine...have not drunk for a week!!!! yes! i mean i'm not a heavy drinker....but will be nice to feel tipsy again!

8.02pm

officially in heaven just had a piece of galaxy, will do a couple of sit-ups to work it off.....

8.43pm

tried it for about a minute..and then just gave up? what my tummy is tonned anyway (well kinda?)

6.53pm

earlier had a cup of soup, just had chicken stir fry, 1 guylian, and a pan au chocolate. it's really wierd though...one of my oldest guy friends...is just on msn...hes just a mate ....am totally in-love with is cousins....and he did find me 'attractive' at one time and got a bit jealous ...well i wasn't exactly attrcted to him (although theres nothing wrong with him) it just got a bit uneasy....and he just said 'hi babes' which is not really like him...mm....well will think no more of confusing relationships with no particular catorgaries or boundries.

3.57pm

had a half a cheese sandwhich earlier... and a guylian , feel a little restless, maybe i will go for a little stroll to clear head so can be ready to read a txt for spot nose...grrrr

1.11pm

just had shower...feel a little better...had breaky a couple an hour ago..had...little bit of fruit, a mini pancake, and a 2 chococ (advent calendar!)  

11.08am

Just woke up, after a night full of really crazy dreams..about old friends, and guys at school....and abotu freshers at college, and memories ( cringe factor!)...i just am so frustrated......I need guys!!!! have not even seen a fit guy for a week as have been inside suffering with bloody flu...am looking forward to going back to college to at least see just 1 fit guy....but would be  good to claim one for self...maybe i will...cause it's reached the point where i dont care what or who the guy is as long as he is of the male gender...or am o desperate...mmmm,,,,but i will calm down and just wait yes...calm will not think of guys and anything eles..no

7.46pm

well....am watch pride and prejudice for about the millionth time.....ahhh particulally love the scene when colin firth is having a bath...that is what i call a bit of alright ! well have totally gone over board on junk food today...on straight and narrow tomorow...just had ;

butter chicken curry ans salad

2 pieces of baklava

a sweet

mmmm and coming uo to time where have to take antibi's.....grrrr cusre doctors...curse medicine...i'm feeling a little better, it's just this cough...it's insesant...it just will not stop...i find it so hard to get to sleep because i just continually cough cough cough...ahhhh ...am being starved of any social life for ohhh...abotu a week now...and admittedly i really need to see some cute guys...haven't txted MC FOR AGES...h ehasn't txted me either..but saying that i havent cheaked my messages for a week maybe i will cheak them tonight, yes thats what i will do.

5.22pm

everything taste horrid cause of antibi's...ah it horrid tasting! The person at the door was my mum! she bought lots of goodies....had a pain au chocolate,

and a chicken sandwhich,

and 2 guylian,

some spag....

soem sweets

What ? i know  what you are thinking, a lot of junk...yer but i feel unwell and have lost like 3 pounds...yes...which is good...but am to ill to celebrate!................. ahhhh phone just rung was old school friend.....asking if i wanted to go out...said i was ill....mmmm....HATE HAVING FLU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

11.01am

my tummy feels like it is going to cave in...I CANT TAKE ANYMORE MEDICINE!!!! what a morning...ahh i really need to get well...i am so far behind...i dread to hear spot noses when i go back to college..'well well well, look who has returned ill again were we?' ahhhh.....that seems to be circling my head again an again and......maybe i should do something eles ...oh crap...is 3rd today...am totally un-prepared for xmas...maybe will start early and make an xmas list....let me see who shal i put on.... right, well, family first (cousins, mother fathe etc) MC, college friends...., errrr of corse Elle....my other two best girlfriends....errr.....einstein? but what could i get him..mmm? Now what should i get MC...oh yer...a new lighter....his one doesnt work....mmm....and maybe 20 marlboughs....ahh am already feeling v.stressed.....okay i will calm calm calm, see a good mental attitude is... oh someone at door....

10.36pm

just got back from the docotors....she said that i have nasty new virus that 'hasn't been identified yet', and that i have to take another load of antibi's on top of the ones i'm already taking....so i will be taking 7 a day ! at that i just burst into tears.... i dont really think she knew what to say...she just sat there...so i had some chicken this morning....for medicine....better go take medicine...ahhh hate this hate it it!!!!!!!

7.40pm

rite have just had dinner had, ceesh, salmon and beans , but left nearly all of it as have no appatite and feel sick!

5.29pm

mmm...funny really do not feel very christmassy....wish i did..funny really...although i do not consisder it xmas until i have seen the coka cola advert.....no can't wait for that...but london is such a great place to be at christmas...regents street with all the lights....Bond street with all the shoe shops!, also the english country side (although i am a gity gal') it is very beautiful...mm....anyway had lunch (i know more like tea) an hour ago...had; egg noodles with beef, gerkins, and cheese , nice simple -quick...thats what 'cooking' should be like....made for the single person!!!! ahhhh...that word again S.I.N.G.L.E.....bane of my life i think..anyway...i won't think of such things......after all , all the great women in history were single...jane austen, florence nightingale (i think) marilyn monroe (in the end)...well admittedly few but ...okay i have just contradicted myself..okay..i will stop!

2.26pm

ahhhh...i am so missing college.(ha never thought i waould say that) but i am...but i am not being unwell for xmas..no way... so will go back on monday...yep that what i will do...hope friends havent forgotten me...wonder how MC is doing probally got several girlfriends already...well why should that affect me...it shouldn't no it shouldn't....anyway....had about 2 rowntrees fruit gums, cause had to drown out taste of antibiotics.....ahh am feeling a little a depressed at moment...listening to 'do they know it's christmas' dont think it has same ...um...pizaz as the oringinal version but oh well...am so bored...maybe should do some reading for spot noses...what a fantastic thought ha ha...NOT!!!

11.24am

well.....am shattered after last night....went okay......had rare beef (which was probally supposed to be cooked) and potatos and veg for dinner....said it was nice....i guess in spain they eat rare beef...mmm....ahhhh well...they bought a choco cake (which was yummy) and because of the antibiotics ould not have any wine....i never realised how hard it is not to drink with a meal when everyone eles is....and you can't anyway managed to resist..(how??)...and evening was good.....i was not very hungry and so had minium food;

bit of beef, 1 potato, 2 brocalli

top of choco cake, 2 mingles, and some pringles...

But was so annoying as wife turned up looking fabulously gorgeous...in a pretty black skirt and high heeled boots...ahhh its so crappy when you look crap and then you see or intermingle with someone who look gorgeous...ahhhh...but one thing was nice...they were telling me about thier holiday in...i dont know somewhere hot...and how the wive looked tanned...and i said how lucky she was..and the husband out of chacracter said. 'yes but you've have got lovely skin, almost cream with like a little pinky blush on your cheeks' (now consisdering i felt awful it was a compliment!!!)

 just had breaky had some cold beef and little bit of mayo..ahhh must take antibiotics...have forgott...ooppssss

6.02pm

okay...just got a phone call...from a smug married couple (friends) saying they were in my area...visiting some friends....they have just recently moved to the north....

'oh hi, how are you?' said the husband

'terrible...have gone deaf and have got the flu!'

'oh right well...we're in the area and we thought it would be nice to see you...maybe stay the night?'

ha ha ...the night...stay...WHERE???....i'm not sleeping on the floor....it would have been one thing to have dinner with them...but them staying the night...and i look ghastly...(well as ghastly as one can look?) so stupid me agreed said it would be nice...blah blah...said excuse me for appaearance...blah blah...not to scream in face at cold ridden face...blah blah....so...they are coming in about an hour..must put some make-up on and tidy place....mmm....why me??huh? why WHY WHY? okay calm....calm....

5.35pm

okay am in pain.. feel sick .....throat hurts and am hot...(not in the good way) as in temperature...ahhh and antibiotics taste crap! ahhhhh...when will this end?????? have hardly had chance or the inclination to eat anything....had a coronation chicken sandwhich, and a rontrees fruit gum, for lunch and have had nothing but antibibloodyotics since.....isnt life fab?

11.22pm

it nearly mid day and i've had sweet nothing to eat except a rowntrees fruit gum, i just got back from doctors...and here comes the horrid bit...apparently have got i quote..' a boil in your ear'---YUCK YUCK! horrible....and i have to take liquid antibiotics...3 times a day.! crap crappy crap! it tastes like crap as well!...but on a bright side (is there one)...is the first of december and feel a little christmassy...have opened first door of calendar!!!! --i know i know a bit childish..but thats the fun about xmas ..dont you think? Am really missing going out to bar with cute waiter...ahh he so cute...and really sexy....well when i am taking medicine will think of his ute bum (yes i have noticed!)

9.06pm

ahhhh...help..ahhh...have gone completely deaf in my right ear now....think it down to flu but very frustrating! Am eager to get back to college and ...wander how Max and Mr.high are..ohhh mr high....am surly missing him and his sexy bod! mmmm....what a fab thought!¬ ha ha....i am going to eat better tomorow as have snacked on sweets  and such ...well here it is....

finished m&m packets

little bowl of chicken and broccali and sweet potato (left most)

and packet of maltessas

have just finished Pride and Prejudice --have had stlye epitome...and have got inspired by jane austen esk fashion sense..and hair stlye...very lady like!!!

5 18pm

ahhhh....have gone deaf in one hear...and am watching pride and prejudice...mm..COLIN FIRTH!...so gorgeous...is chearing me up....at part where lizzie refuses his marriage proposal...she crazy i would marry him anyday!! so far have had;

hot choco

1 mingle

2 bowls of shallots (yum!)

and a couple of m&m's...(again very yum!)

1.49pm

got up about an hour ago...feel so so so bad, the worst i've actually felt in years? defineatly have flu..(which may i just add is not pleasant) didnt go into spot noses class yesterday cause a) could'nt face him b) was shaking so violently would have freaked out class! the only thing i have had to eat today (well drink) is a; carten of apple, which was very yummy....ahhh mouth does taste so manky!....hate feeling ill.....oh but on a happier note is first of december tomorow! HURRAH! ohhhh have so many things to do...(which i will probally leave till last moment!)

christmas list (what to get mum and dad??)

make a list of what i want?mmmm a pair of manolo blahniks would be nice!

get some money for pressies

buy some snow boots....(in anticipation of-)

see am prepared woman of substance! And i will survivie xmas without a man...yes...who needs men? ahhh am feeling awfull will lie down..

2.00pm

ahh yesterday was such a blur...felt too ill to write.....but went to bar with cute waiter....he seems a little depressed...moody even...well yesterday i vowed off men for now (not forever!) butwent into lessons today...fine..but then at about 11.00 felt awful...my hole body aches...and my cough is real bad..apparently got a virus that going round..nearly all my friends have got it... i just stuck to simple breakfast had; two pieces of chicken and just had for lunch vegs, and chicken and bacon...(nice and comforting)..ahhh feel so bad....will lie down...OH NO...have spot nose later...should i go..mmm

6.07pm

just got back from bar..had early dinner consisiting of some yummy steak with mustard sause and potatos...food was so yummy, but service not so good...cute waiter was there...was really friendly to begin with but just kinda ignored me the rest of time? mmm...did i have something on my face...but apparently cause he so hyper like nearly all of time he has down times when i apparently goes all quite and moody..mm...(got info from waitress!) anyway will not think of that...will have aero, and will cheak e-mail... to see if ian heslop has replyed.

2.35pm

ahhh..have really horrid couch i sound like a seal or something and just spilt ink on the floor (down to bloody art!) ahhh....ok alm..calm...everything will be ok! Will just have 3 choco coins and everthing will be ok!

1.46pm

Hurrah!! have just finished essay, feel very good ... will deffinately go to bar with cute waiter tonight, will get dressed up and look fabulous...yes...all is good...and dad just told me that he just  recieved an e-mail from ian hislop, the editor of the private eye, sounded quite proud...ohhh maybe i will give it a try! mmmm oh and have just had a piece of cold pizza and 2 rowntrees fruit gums , which is a fab lunch!

10.51am

Still have bloody cold, it just won't seem to go away, and have got 2 bloody essays to do this weekend. Anyway had fun night in yesterday, watched Farenhight 9/11... loved it, really made me aware of some of the things i just didn't know...bloody evil Bush! anyway too early to think of politics....had; 3 pieces of pizza, and a chunky kit kat , for dinner yesterday...i know iknow chocolate but, i'm being good in the day...but yes, i do have to cut down to loose that extra pound to get down to the next stone. Just had breaky had; 3/4 of piece of beef same for chicken 3 bits of edam cheese and piece of cold pizza., ahhh cold pizza is so yumy for breaky anyway , will ahve a shower nd then get on with media essay.

5.35pm

AHHHH....has been such a hectic day today, am absolutley nakered,ok so these are just some of the things that have happened;    dancing, working, smoking, eating, being scared, being reminded of past one night flings,finding spot nose actually approachable, not thinking of food, hugging, kissing...and oh did i mention dancing?

Troat is absolutley killing at mo, but had v.good day despite having horrid cold and being tired (not helped by crazy hippy dancing in smoking area- something in the air surely?) Had suprisingly interesting lesson with spot nose, was very interesting, and insightful, as half class was away, it was kinda nice for class to have just 4 people in it-almost calm..mmmm? oh and the absolute highlight of day must of been cuddleling up to mr.high and watching TV..WHICH WAS VERY ENJOYABLE!

as usual had horrid lunch consisiting of; prawn rice (wats up with that?) and cucumber, and just had piece of beef. Am getting horrid headace so i think will have some pizza for dinner...mmm...or maybe not? wats in the fridge i wonder?

8.32am

ahhhhh i gave my dad the flu...ahhhh feel terrible now...anyway, am having toast and salmi and beef for breaky, very yummy and will give me a kick start to a busy day...must visit dada also....

9.18pm

mmm, had a little too much too eat, well not exactly but.mm...judge for yourself!

chilli con carni (but left most of it)

three quaters of choco mousse

cheese

and couple of gummies

Am having night in...just finished art -FINALLY! thank goodness!

3.57pm

mmm...am feeling unloved, and randomly abandoned...who knows why...ahhhh no one fancies me! (that i know of?!?) well i shall not despair will try and keep spirits up.went to pub today and had

diet coke

caesar chicken salad (left half)

and 2 and half chocos for pud...

and just had half low carb choco bar.

some habits cannot be kicked...ahhh feel so hopeless about ever, finding a nice sweet normal guy..thats single...mmm,,,maybe they dont excist maybe i'm doomed to be single forever.Nooooo....no am woman of substance and dont need man to complete me..they are simple blithering idiots..oh is that the time..have Art unit thing due in tomorow..crap....havent finished it yet...

8.33am

will have a piece of beef instead....oh quite yum!

8.29am

good morning, ahhh now apparently have given my father my cold , great..oh well, might go and see switch on of xmas lights tonight which should be fun  am having.... raseberry jam on toast but tastes yuck so will leave, it..oh got theatre next ...ok cup of coffee then i will be ready to go!

8.57pm

yummy, just had little bowl of sweets, naughty but nice! am feeling a little restless. i dont know why? Lack of decent single men?

7.01pm

ahhh just had chicken tika masala, way to hot for my liking. But anyway just got back from art, and theres this guy in my class (very hansome) but annoying, kept teasing me about this guy that...well i neednt tell you the full full story (a girl gotta keep her privacy on intimate matters!) but it wasnt the most sensible thing i have ever done..in that department...but somehow he found out and keeps tauting me...very childish..which i cant understand because he is a year older than me, but guys will be guys whatever age i spose. Saw MC today, we're not really talking much at the moment, dont really know why, just have lost touch, (do i want to get into it?), not really that obseesed by him now? a good thing is it not? but now with cute waiter guy!! well must go and carry on with work...ahhhh...will only do minimal, as am very tired, AND THEN WATCH FILM AND HAVE SWEETS!

3.55pm

okay, have just come back from shopping and lunch...ok admittedly should have been writing 2 essays, but then a girl has to take some time for herself..right, am i not? So had a little too much for lunch but will definately go back on the straight and narrow tomoz had;

mini chicken ceaser salad

chorizo sausage

and 3 and half hot almond biscuits

oh and had some choco cake at 10.00 am!

mmm. doesnt look to good, anyway will start essay now....BORING!

8.28am

Ahh too early...feel a lot better today, have got dressed up in mini skirt, black tights..lots of blusher to make self feel better, and admittidly do look gorgeous! am having potato and chicken salad for breaky...oh must go!

10.20pm

oopsss... just had cheese, which was very yummy.....but leathal...cause am eating a little too much! mmm anyway, will be on straight and narrow tomorow!

9.07pm

ahhhh...double yum! I just had some tiramisu, was absolutley gorgeous....i did of corse not make it...reasy made!! But so stupidly yummy! am watching the office...and then will go to sleep!

6.03pm

Just had dinner, which was not as nice as i thought;

chips

and breaded fish

as i cant taste much and dont really have a fab appatite, it was slightly boring, so left half of it, anyway, had ok day, feel a little better, and will def go in college tomoz-ill or not! i really dont want to have so much work that i just panick...so prob the best option!

3.52pm

just had fabulous lunch made by wonderful mother...

chicken and patato salad

and a 0.4grams of net carb bounty!- which was suprisingly yum! and so very low carb!

feel much better, and think i may be able to go in to college tomoz, although still look a little stuffed up, (but a girl can t look gorgeous all the time?) Wonder how MC and co are doing, mmmm, really fancy to go to a bar....2 days of being out of the social scene, is taking its toll!

1.49pm

just finished reading that i had to do for this week...and just had choco coin, to help me along the way! getting really excited about xmas! going to be fun...havent got a clue what am going to do..but surely will be good..ohh hope it snows!

12.26pm

just woke up...feel a little better...and whats the best thing ever is that i have lost 4 pounds!!! yey, feel so pleased with self! yey yey, only half a pound down to the next stone mark! Hurrah!  my ear hurts and i still feel blocked up...but it was really nice mum came to me like half an hour ago and made me breakfast...it consisted off/

piece of chicken,  potato salad, a few lentils and a choco coin..

very nice suprise.....and hopefully will be well enough to go in tomorow.....

6.03pm

have been reading all afternoon and am very tired and irritable...mmm...stupid spot nose....anyway decided i probably needed some energy, so i had; some leek and potato soup, and a slice of chicken.

Did give me a little energy, but still feel a little overwhelmed by how much work i've got to do when i go back to college (can i be bother-NO!!!)

3.14pm

Am dying, am going to die, and people are going to say 'did you hear of that girl who died ,they apparently found her sufforcated by a pile of kleenex tissues'- i swear i did not know 1 person could use so many tissues -i'ts ridiculous, i seem to just be carrying the box around with me, however, kleenex tissues do remind me of my childhood, when my mum used to take care of me, and prepare little meal, and hot soup, and used to let me eat crisps for breakfast because i 'was ill and it was a one off treat'....being ill when i was young in a way always made me feel loved and secure, now it's just a bother because i've got a way to busy life to actually take a minute off work...gaaaahhh, sometimes i really miss being 10 yrs old, when the only thing one had to worry about was what was for pudding, or what you wanted for christmas, now its, guys, relationships (or lack of them), work, college, drink, drugs, smoking, going out, money and food....oh and talking of food, an hour ago just polished off;

1 happy hippo

half a choco brownie ( so yummy)

will have a little sleep and then will finish readeing for bloody spot nose! (if he only knew!)

12.48pm

ahhhhh..have awful cold, am staying off college today, as have no energy and am really poorly, throat is hurting, nose is running, body is aching! i have so got to book an apointment at the doctors, or even homeopethist (spelt right?) havent really felt like eating today but a little bowl of ready made fruit salad and 1 piece of smoked salmon.

Not very nice as have lost all ability to taste anything,ahhh, have to be well for tomorow, will rest and maybe catch up on some reading for spot noses class.

9.47pm

feel a little perkyer..am just watching the office- is very funny, david Brent is hilarious!

will just have a piece of white toast and butter (will perk me up)

8.37pm

calm...calm...calm...hate life...ahhhh...feel horrid..ahhh...ahhhhh.....no i dont hte life..just emotions speaking...

anyway had pasta and cucumber salad for dinner and 2 happy hippos for pud!

have had several fights with so many people cannot remeber who?? but i'm sure it will be better tomoz/......

4.33pm

just got back from shopping/bar--had fun time...was greeted by cute waiter as 'heya gorgeous'- nice to be appreciated! anyway, so far had to eat....

half low carb kit kat

chicken salad and bit of pastry case

1 piece of bread

and half a hot choco...

not as bad as yesterday..but still have too cut down...like cut out bread and such....

9.31am

ahhhhh, nose is so blocked up...have full blown cold(not very nice) but on up side looked at self in mirror yesterday evening, and actually looked (as my mum would say) trim!....mmm...tummy rumbling...but dont really fancy breaky..will see whats in fridge....will have shower and then will get on with some work then might go shopping..and then might go to bar with cute waiter....(if feel better) i know..will have egg.

5.48pm

mmm...okay did essay...and went out to visit grandma...and mm didnt do to well...had ;

maussaka for lunch

quarter of cake

hot choco

half a low carb kit kat

5 sweets

piece of beef and half a red sausage

prob not the best day to stare no carb diet...mmm....will def start tomoz.....mmm.... throat hurts

10.18pm

just woke up and my throat majorly kills, dont know where i caught it, hope it goes soon. Right so i have decided something, this diet is not working so am very fed, so desperate measures need to be taken, i will write down everything i eat, and what i eat will mainly consist of vegables, meat (protein), and hardly any carbs! except a kit kat in the evening, yes, see am in control and will be gorgeous stick for xmas-hurrah! will just have an egg for breaky and get on with spot noses essay..(yes another one!)

1.36pm

have had good day (so far) am sucking on a rountrees fruit gum (which is yum!) mmm....oh yuck! just remebered had rank lunch consisting of chilli pasta --which had very little of....better get on with research for art....

8.19am

ahhhh am late for college....anway got stood up by cute waiter guy (not that it was formal arrangement) but he could have called (not that he has me number!) but felt a bit dump sitting waiting, so had feta cheese baskets and mash, and half a choco mousse, i'm sure there will be a good reason...which i dont want to know cause i am not going to make mistake of chasing after stupid guys....oh well, am woman of substance and do not need man by side to complete me! just tried to eat a pita with chicken filler, but am in bad pain (down to braces) ....ahhh have got such a long day at college caaannttttt beeee boootherrred.....ahhh is that the time...crap..

1.30pm

okay just had yum pita bread with chicken and bacon filler and will have 1 piece of white choco.......and then have got spot nose and assesment going to be so embarassing...but anyway will hold head up high and look confident!

12.57am

had such a fab night yesterday....cute waiter was rushed off feet but stilll took time to chat to me...ordered a choco tart which he recommended and gave me 2 portions...especially from him! felt a bit chuffed so wrote him a stupid little poem, just as a joke and he was so chuffed he said he would put it on bar board! Ahahahahaha...and it his night off tonight and he gonna meet me there at 7.....but the only thing is will have my other braces fitted like an hour before...but anway....no matter...will be fun....and he single!! HURRAH!

had manky breakfast; low carb breaky bar, and little bit of yogurt and musli (yuck) and just had low carb caramel flavour bar! ( yum)....ahhhhh just realised gotta correct essay for spot nose...and have got stupid presentation to do in his class and havent prepared......!!!!!!!

6.36pm

harrah!!! my headaces gone..that means i can go to bar..just came back from art, none eventful...although did have 1 finger of kit kat and 3 salmon thingys (v.nice), ahh feel so pleased with self am being very good with eating...and i do look trimmer(which is always good!) mmmm hope cute waiter will be there tonight...anway...got to get back to bloody essay..i am sure one of these days am going to go up to spot nose and shout in his face 'I HATE YOU AND I HATE THE BLODY ESSAY YOU GIVE MEEEEE!!!' what? a girl can dream can she not?

4.05pm

ahhh....still in imense pain.....have art lesson in hour...mmmmm........

3.05pm

ok..have got an officiall migrain...i am dying..in so much pain!!! had busy day....bit misible...came in late for spot noses class..... he said 'in your own time' ...grrrr he annoys me...amused MC very much!..ahhhhh and yesterday... saw a guy who i will call, blondie, tall, fab dress sense, long eye lashes, older than moi and GORGEOUS...oh and straight! i vaguley know him, and he saw me in smoking area cam etowards me and started chatting!...he is so gorgeous...think even nicer that mr high....OH...talking  about mr. high...came into theatre HALF NAKED! ....no not cause he wanted to have mad sex with me....(unfortunately) but because he was doing a play thing...but he did look so very fit....mmmmm.....oh anyway...woke up this morning had rank pita and peanut butter....

                                                                                             for lunch: burger,cheese, bit of bacon and piece of bread....at pub!--kept it to a minimum and resisted chips.......done ok...oh and just had 1 finger of low carb kit kat...mmmm will go lie down now...maybe will go to bar with cute waiter tonight...mmm... am missing him...strangley!!!mmmmm?????

4.17pm

am so busy....had fab day today....had yum dinner last night had tuna pasta and chunky kit kat, and today had;

a pita with little bit of tuna sweet corn for breaky

went out to pub for lunch,,,, had chicken and charizo kebab and like 6 chips and choco ice cream and choco sause for pud!

went a bit overboard but will not have pudd tonight...and oh yer...have lost i pound whaooooo....anyway gotta go...ahh it never stops...another essay to be done!!

718pm

mmmmm...now what to have for dinner...ah...will heat up chiken curry...but will only eat sause and will have orange yogurt......

6.09pm

whaoooooooooo whabloodyooooooooooooo!!!!! yes yes yes! got a 74 on media paper and 74 % in english!!!!! ha ha spot nose there you go!!!!!!! am so pleased with self maybe will go out for celebratory drink tonight...this guy in class (very cute and sweet) i will call him...Einstein...(coz he reeeaaallllly clever)....he always makes me laugh....and he such a nice guy.......mmmmm........feel overwhelmed by so varied choose of guys....whaoooooo....feel so happy!!!!!!!!!!! he he ha ha ha ---so happy so that just had 3 forkfuls of tuna sweetcorn and a piece of smoked salmon! expensive but well worth it!!

3.32pm

FINALLY finished my essay!...ha isnt it funny how one can waste an afternoon doing stupidly boring things like writing essay--may i just ask what the hell the point? anyway, had for lunch;

2 pieces of smoked salmon

1 pita bread with tuna sweetcorn filling

half piece of chicken

1 low carb kit kat

1 diet caffine free coke 

not too bad content....just think have to half amount consuming!! mmmm.....anyway have to get thin by xmas as play we're studying in theatre is bout anorexic girl....ahhh...not that i want to be anorexic.ha if that day could come....if only i were taller ....mmmm....wow i would love to be 5''7'' ..must be so cool being that height instead of a measily 5'' 5''...ahhh anyway at least am 5'7'' in my really high high heals!!! okay....got spot nose next....will see MC...oh crap...MC ...i forgott he might get suspended..from colge coz he got drunk and stood on college roof, and shouted....mmmm...quite funny if think about it...but will miss him....anyway....feel good...coz i got lots of potential bf's in life....but i do however, at moment truthfull love being single........

11.51am

okay so went out last night to bar with cute waiter....had yum, steak with mash and beans and choco tart, which was lush....bar was realy quite so had lots of opootunity to talk to cute waiter..(hes v.cute!) choco tart was gorgeous, cute waiter was looking at it longingly so gave him a little bite!..... on several occasions heard cute waiter call me 'darling'...am def getting signals from him...but tmaybe cause he just flirty!?? who knows or cares..am complete without man! for breaky had;

yogurt

2 pieces of sushi

2 pieces of white choco

will keep snacking to minimun.....

12.34pm

ahhhhh...just had 6 pieces of white choco, but then that will be my lunch...mmmm....have done research for essay...am going to write it in about 10 mins ..but now maybe will have 5 min walk outside to wake me up...really sunny...lovely day...ahhhhh am stuck inside WORKING...ahhhhh...anoying,,,anyway.....will have energising walk, and then get down to it!

10.37am

have just woken up and have still not done essay....is freezing cold outside but sunny which is nice....spent most of evening yesterday trying to write a song...to show cute waiter who like music....but every crap...only things that rhyme were 'love...and dove' ha ha...not very impressing! anway will have orange and piece of fruit for breaky, and in 15 mins will get on with dreaded esaay....i so must not leave things to the last minute!!!!

9.55pm

right have been having too many treats today......and have been neglecting my food diary...will keep it up..and will keep food diary up!! its just have been sooooo busy...and have essays coming out ears..AHHHH.....anyway...mmmmm.....am really bored and Want something to concentrate on.....except essays!! okay...will concentrate on :

being a rebel

being outrageous

not caring what others say

pleasing myself

being outrageously selfish and gorgeous

being stupidly sexy!

7.43pm

ahhhh finished work an hour and half ago...went out to bar with cute waiter...got talking ..joined me for a drink...maybe will go there tomoz..mmm...

had so many snacks today....

2 newhuse chocos

porridge

salmon nibbles

and mashed potatoe.....

am so tired and have been so busy..have hardly had any time to write today....which is not pleasant.....but am feeling a bit unwell, throat dry (due to smoking area)...its really weird though as feel very rebellious at mo...mmmm...maybe monday a new day and new things in store for me...feel a litle frustrated!!

12.44pm

woke up an hour ago......got back at 1.00am yesterday ( or today!) was great night, had fireworks and food was amazing...had lots of curry and red wine, wondeful combonation....but only thing that annoyed me was, Sarli, kept saying

'oh of course you will get married and have children, every woman want children!'

well i must be the odd one out my reply....

'to posh to push hunny!'

well, anway have to be getting on with some work, sushi and sausage breakfast! gave me a kick start, once i've finished essay will go out shopping and maybe to bar with cute waiter...oh maybe will straighten hair...yes will look gorgeous and glam!, but not like i've tried to......

4.51...pm

FINALLY this day is coming to a clsoe.... have not done to badly on snacks...have had

5 peices of sushi

little bit of smoked salmon

1 carb free kit kat

1 'la fruit'

going out tonight at 6.30pm...going to so great...my first Davali...maybe will get spiritual ephini!!!!!!!!!

2.15pm

ahhhh, feel so guilty, was spose to go to lunch time singing concert at college (MC singing in it) and he wanted me too go...but couldnt face it as a) look crap and b) am exausted c) cant face anymore college!

started off day by getting up late 5 to 8, and having half a pita bread with chicken (hated it!) ...

have Dwali party/celebration with indian couple and baby tonight...(should cheer me up) .....will stop thinking about college, bitchy girls/letting down MC, and think about positive other things in life like, going to be thin stick be xmas, and and have money to by a pair of shoes every week! AHHHH/Grrrrr hate college food, but today was not to bad, had poached salmon and cucumber- must remember am on diet this evening, as apparently going to be lots of indian sweets and puds,,,,,ahhhhhh going to be so tempting!!.....right have really bad headace and feeling so crap.....maybe due to being in smoking area too long...mmm...i must stop..soon or maybe the 5th of never..yer thats a good date for me! haha....and just slightly confused as media teacher seems to be flirting with me jus slightly...he said 'hi miss' in a cad kinda voice...mmmm..and MC fancies this girl and skipped spot noses lesson with her...mmmm...well i hope hes happy all loved up....love love love love

2.28pm Love.

9.14pm

just had, salmon, gravalax, and lettuce

1 white choco mouse and half a cookie

very nice, am feeling rested and well fab...will have good sleep and will be fresh and ready for tomoz!

8.01pm

Had FAB time out, went window shopping, then went to bar with cute waiter guy.....he was there but wasn't working! in his normal clothes---v,hot! came over (hyperactive as usual) got chatting (really flirty) then his girlfriend came over...Grrrrr...but turns out she the most BORING person in the world...cute waiter did'nt exactly look very into her....felt a little guilty majorly flirty and vice versa with cute waiter in front of her..oh hey ho? anway, turns out his studying music degree and he into songwriting and stuff (me 2) wells that what i told him! so he said we should 'get together and jam' ...yer man....wow am so hip and cool...going to jam  with cute waiter!!! then went to bar to order a starter decided on frogs legs (has have never tried them) then like a 40 yr old man (not bad looking) but like an oap, started chatting me up! pick up line being 'thats an unusual outfit' ahhhhh majorly awful!!!!! not exactly the sharpest knife in the draw --so quoted by another guy waiter there!! so brushed him off politley, Cute waiter saw , and said he was freak and did i want him to 'knock his block off'-AHHHH isnt jealousy a fab thing!!!! ha so recieved frogs legs...tried them YUCK city, horrid so had piece of bread, will go to bar again, but i shouldnt be running after taken men! no no no i shall not!!!But maybe we could just occasionaly meet up..uno purely platonic!!!!!

5.02pm

Just got back from college, had english lesson a 1.00pm saw MC, sat next to me...totally fine....(us) ...maybe a little sarcastic...but we had a laugh..(as usual) ..i think i just going to have an 'i dont care, i am complete without a guy beside me) atitude,,,,yes...fab i am woman of substance that is independent and...well fabulous! Anyway if i get depressed can always have choco atkins bars to confort me ...as i just had 1 now...mmm...actually quite scrum! S o, i need to be more in control of life.....guys and future.... maybe if i just let life happen and stop worrying about guys and if will ever find actuall guy that aint a freak..it will happen..maybe will find gorgeous hunky Bf and then dump him after a week and find another...ha! SOLEMATE.....what a word....who created that mocking word to all singletons...mmmm.....or what about THE ONE, i think it doesnt excist...maybe there are like cabs...if you miss one, another just comes along...and ect.... yes...new positive perspective already helping self....will go late night shopping now....ha ha...life is fabulous.....have absolutley nothing to complain about!!! HURAH!!!!!!

1.38pm

went out to lunch with dad...(not on own) told him all about how am lonely, need (or feel) like i need a man in life who understands me...he said:

'well sounds to me like your looking for your soul mate' which was a little ironic as i had  fish and chips. for lunch...

'i cant be, looking for a ''soul mate'', i dont do that kinda thing.' i said hesitantly...

'well, maybe youre looking for someone who just understands you''

ahhhhh gotta go into college.....so CONFUSED!!!

11.24am

AHHHH ..came home from college...tummy hurts.... MC didnt txt last night and saw him today...he or i didnt even mention it.....feel awful hate men!

11.26am Hate men!

11.27am...HATE M.E.N! they only let you (me) down...ahhhh i need carobella...

11.28am.....yum finished packet of carobella...had 4 pieces....mmm..hang on a minute..i'm substituting men with carobella! ahhhhh...... i'm single and alone....no man is worth it...they are all scitzos..or freaks..or if they are nice...they let you DOWN! okay...i'm so stuck in a rut....

11.30 a bloody R.U.T...

11.31 what sort of rut..mmmm.... a guy rut....the sort where..i like a guy...think he likes me...think about him...We go out ..have a laugh...then BAAM! ..just like that theyre gone..or have changed..or dont call you! should become lesbian!

11.33 maybe am lesbian...mm...no...dont think so!..

11.34. will go out for lunch....... without men...on my own!

9.58pm

Watching 'Gone with the wind', fabtastic...ahhh..love it....scarlet ...so glam and american revolution chic!

Had, 5 bon bons... 1 choco mousee..(half fat) and half a cereal bar....yum yum

i so must be better, tomoz...ha ..totaly gone a bit off the walls today..... think the prob is snacking and puding..mmmm,,,my two fav things!!! poo..anyway must go..have busy day tomoz...ahhhh cant face it...anway gotta get early night...MC hasnt txted me yet...Grrrrrr

8.21pm

mmm....MC still hasnt txted back...mmmm anyway....just had 2 bon bons and half a packet of smoked salmon!!!!

not very good...but was alll of a sudden so hungry!

8.23pm Mc still hasnt txted....

8.25pm No txt.....

8.27pm when is he gonna txt me.....

8.28pm ok...why am i Obseesing, why...he's not my boyfriend..... mmmm

7.23pm

Hust has dinner.... yummy to the extreme, but dont seem to have such a crazy appatitie as usual (which is great coz won't eat so much and there will loose wieght), but i had;

half a steak

onions and cream sauce!

(not cooked by me) ha ha....but mmm.....anyway MC hasnt txt back maybe coz i'm using someone eleses phone..mm maybe will cheak my phone....ahh no signal will gofor walk to see if i have anway signal..ahh who invented mobile phone should be killed or something...too much bother....

6.39pm

ahhh feel good..someone commented on how thin i looked--YEY! hurrah...some public acknowlegment that am thin!! HURRAH HURRAH...mmm..wonder if Mr high noticed??mmm earlier i indulged in

4 pieces of carobella---

wow i really love that stuff....mmmm....maybe susstitude for wine/....mmm ,,,fancy some of that..mmmm yumm!!! well i must go txt MC to see whats hapening tomoz night..(spose to be going out to bar to have drink)...okay...be right back.....

1.28pm

did first half of assesment this morning --went well, got to finish essay in free period this afternoon, had good start to the day ...ate a pita and chicken filler and had yum chicken salad for lunch--which was so delicious!! had good morning at college (especially in media ) when we were studying 'social stereotypes' and teacher asked the class what would not be expected of a vicar..and i said 'to have sex with the congregation' ha ha ...whole class..totallyin hysterics...well that isnt expected is it?? ha ha....mmmm anway went to smoking area..havent seen MC...mmm.hate to say this but am missing him a little....mmmm..but i did see mr.high...looking GORGEOUS! and i swear i keep catching him staring at me...mmmm....well it cant be bad can it? yesterday, received junk e-mail...with 101 flirting tips///mmmm was quite good practised some of them on Mr,high like catching his gaze and to 'keep eye contact'...did it work...??MMMMm...OWWW hav pain in tummy....anyway got art this afternoon...hp there will not be nudist there again?? is that what one calls them or models? or naturalists? or WEIRDDOOOOS!?

8.10pm

yummmm, just had a red sausage....very yummy..watching cold moutain..v.good...

7.48pm

had some PIZZA for dinner-- actually 5and half pieces of it...ahhhh so delicious.....going to have packet of starbursts, read Vogue, have shower and be fresh for taking assesment AT HOME!!!! tomoz...!!

4.22pm

Just had polish kabalous...which is red sausage....interesting but yummy.....reading background information to text that i am studying.....not very interesting whatsoever....very boring actually!!!!so boring i want to fall aslep Zzzzz.might get my phone to cheak if i have any messages from anybody...maybe MC had txted me...i dont expect him to..just maybe he has....not that i care or anything..mmm.......oh ...tlking to friend whos dad died...seems to be alright he said he feeling a little tired but ok.... ok so better go has have no energy to write anymore (not that i have nything to say) ahhhh...am single and alone, and ill!

3.51pm

okay when feeling better feel like going dancing...must write these dancing clubds down .....cargo.. bar salsa..dover street wine bar....down mexian way (seems a good 1), havana W1,ronnie scott jazz club ( good 1 2) ok am still hungry..mmmm.....

2.58pm

AHHHH...did a tine bit of art...not much accomplished.....had 3 little salmon nibbles.... (so very yum!) but somehow, i'm not that hungry ...maybe it the pain killers,that are rupressing my appatitie...mmmm... i'm a bit board....T.V doesn't work,,,cause of signal of sumfin...so maybe i will just have to watch DVD a third time...looking forward to going bck to college...though have lots of catching up to do....but cant get that stupid compatibilitly horoscope out of head...why is it bothering me so much??? anyway, will lie down am feeling headacey, and dizzy....ahhhhh this is a tad annoying...and look just a reck!!!!

2.01pm

About and hour ago i indulged in a fruit bar and 2 pieces of carobella, and since then have just been watchin DVD again, and sleeping, good to have a little time of college as sometimes can get a bit to full, wander how MC is....anway need to do some art work.... then will have another sleep....

10.59am

mmm..what do horoscope know anyway...though..MC is witty and quick..mmm....nyway...had to have 1 and half rich tea biscuits to line my tummy for pain killers...ahhhh feeel crap! will go lie down and watch DVD again....

10.17am

just woke up...feel grim....had a good sleep though..the deepest sleep in years actually, was a little scwiffy last night with red wine and all...but there you go...can one have wine and pain killers/(prob the reson)..mmm...thats a thought..mmmm.... really feel bloated this morning (havent eaten nything)  but i really feel that if i eat i would prob just throw it up again.....yuck...DVD was brill last night, had fab time watching it --was called 'along came polly' had a summer pudding which was so scrummy...it was ridiculous.....

10.22am oh ..no...way... just had a bight of a pitta and salmon cream cheese...yuck..cant eat/..feel a little sick..ahhhhh ok..i need some pain killers now...vurse TOM..curse ...B.L.O.O.D.Y. TOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MC txted me last night saying 'get well' 'x'--- and he said he was a virgo...mmmm.....will cheak that out...

10.30am it says 'the relationship will take time to get going but not to give up, cause the too signs are powerful together'..mmmmm....... it also says i'm 'attracted to Virgos quick and witty mind'..... 'and once youve scratched the surface it will be a wondeful realtionship.' and 'to bear with virgo'---mmmmmm.....

8.25pm

mmmm, wine is delicious....food delicious...and every is jusss delicious....mmmm...yummy.....what shall i havve forrrr puddd.....mmmmm. wine so delicioous..yummm.......will watch dvd now..

7.40pn

YEy have come on finally...bad pain..but good to get it over with...my dad just knocked on the door with loads of shopping bags!!!! With loads of atkins treat, smoked salmon, fruit bars, and a Dvd!!!! how kind....he knew i was feeling ill, and that i was on diet!! so i can hav yummy but low carb things!! HURRAH!!!! Always can sount on dad to so little things like that!!!!!just had 3 smoked salmon little parcels with dad, that was all too happy to share them :

'thanks so much dad, this is so great!'i said thankfully

'Well i'm glad you like it!' he said in a caring tone.

'THANK YOU FOR THE DVD aswell, it brill' i squeeled excitedly

'Pleasure darling!'

wow i love dads, they r so opposite to mums!! will have fab evening with  coq au vin for dinner--yuumyy

6.45pm

am VERY HUNGRY.. just had half a rice craker with choco on top....mmmm.... fancy some wine...mmmm...or beer...yummmyyyy..mmm..do i hav ny left?mmmmm

3.41pm

just had a good cry...bout state of living -curtain man right, living in cayous ( right pelling -who cares) jus had 1 piece of carobella , have made executive desion not to go in to spot noses class....what a wasted day...ahhh feel so desperate...(prob due 2 TOM-or pre-) ahhhhh ny way must live life minute by minute.....will eat more carobella..to cheer self up..who cares about eating plan...!!!!

4.50pm

yum yum ...carbobella....only had 1 peice though.....maybe i will make some mulled wine tonight..mmm....

2.27pm

okay so just had a nice healthy snack consisting of a packet of 'la fruit', and broke a bit of choco brownie off. so shouldnt have done that but will give me energy and focuss.....must read essay plan for asesment again..ahhhh who cares if i do weli i think that....Gaaahhhhhh curtain man has suddenly turned up.....

2.31pm okay curtain man just turned up..... and was just about to revise....ny way turns out mum rung him to come over...typical timimg and turns out he has the wrong curtains...mum getting in stew , me trying to stay calm...gaaahhhh.....

2.33pm mum has gone.....do love her, but does go on...'If you do not eat , you're body will go into starvation mode darling...' ect.....nice to have some time to self, must revise...first i will get a drink.....

2.34pm just had drink, curtain man in room so cannot revise, trying to laugh at jokes...unsuccsefully.......maybe should ask if he wants a drink....mmmm......little wierd having man in room that dont know..mmmm...maybe will step out side for a min.....

2.39pm came back after short stroll... only for curtain man to say 'must be strange living in cayous!'  'yes, its  not the nicest' i said vaguely..... what does he mean be cayous, do live in a bit of a mess, but cayous..mmmm..... well it kinda sums up my life..... huh.... find life epipiny from a curtain man...mmmm......

2.44pm am reserching poems for asesment....ahhhhhh....BORING...Oh curtains look a little retarded.... mmmm...will sort it out.....

1.03pm

Just had tiny lunch, as mum is here, she took over the kitchen, despite having a 'terrible back' , anyway she cooked chiken with tomatoe stuff, had to decline it as i really didnt fancy it, and too much anyway! so i had 1 cold sausage, 1 babybell, and a mini dollop of light mayo! was a bit boring and tinsy, but i am doing ever so well, and if i dont eat rubbish in day can hav yum pud in evening! hurrah, have finally found eating plan that works!! ha ha mwah! am going to wiegh self on wednesday, and if i havent lost nything by then...will scream!!!! think i might go in for assesment with spot nose despite head ace, if i dont will do it tomoz, but then mite come on..ahhhh---dilema! Must remeber to;

live life to extent...

take risks (maybe in the romance stakes?)

what the hell does my horoscope mean; a new friend will offer more than just friendship, what friend?

11.28am

just looked at an on-line 'daily horoscope' am a taurus, said now was time, to 'book a romantic cruise or weekend.' ha, like i can i afford that, and do i have ny1 to go with---no, anyway , like being single, single is fabulous! yer... it also says a 'new friend will ofer more that friendship'..mmmm....interesting...

11.46am hungry...Hungry. HUgry.HUNgry HUNGry...HUNGRy...HUNGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10.35am

tlking about diana's death and royal family with mum....she thinks The royal family thought diana was 'superfulus', and 'decrotive' --quite interesting talking to mum, havent really tlked to her for ages...anyway...just had yummy  piece of carobella, but do feel good , as have been to busy to think of food....calmed down a little, and i havent a clue weather i should go in this afternoon...cant really be bothered, maybe will just settle down on couch and finished art work....(spose to be in for today)... mum looks in pain.....will cheak if she has had some paracetamol, wow...tlk about role reversal! ANd oh yer things to do list:

Buy new curtains/get them fixed

get roots done

do english essay

ring elle

8.41am

i'm feeling really crap...and i'm worried that if i go in for assesment...will not do the best i can...have terrible headace....tummy hurts...and feeelign awful.....ahhhh spot nose will have a field day with me not being there.....not lazy..just ill! oh should i go or not??? i could prob do them tomoz....in libary,this is the worst thing to happen..... and also my mums here....at mine with a terrible back so looking after her .....ahhh things couldnt get worse....!

made mum breaky ...well attemped to...sausage salad..with light mayo..... she gratefully accepted..think it was okay..??? ahhhhh i am so annoyed will try 2 go in this afternoon,,,, to english assesment.....ahhhhh

8.24am

am paniking have assement in 20mins...AHHH havent come on...yey.....but still feel crap....boooo.....ok...calm.calm...i am respectable...woman of substance...peace...AHHHHHHHHH gota go...CALM CALM!!!! and just eaten 2 frankfuters/.....yumyum,

9.40pm

Just had choco pud-v.bad-was so scrummy-v.good.

8.29pm

okay...feel a little more calm and centered..but feel ill...so not so good....its weird..feel tipsy in head..but havent drunk anything??strange..mmmm.. Just finishing book...and trying to stay clam about assesments tomoz....Gahhhh so nervous...typical that it is tomoz wen feeling bloody awful!,...oh anyway cheered myself self up by having: 'la fruit' ..(peices of friut in a bag-apricot), heated up some M&S tikka chicken, with 1/2 an avacado and light mayo.... and then had 2 peices of my precious carobella.  felt a bit sick after avacado..but then that coz TOM and feeling generally ill.....anyway..must txt MC....oh and good news...got Mr High's mob num..HURRAH, but have not yet txted him...mmm..its very crazy ...totally forgot.....anyway must txt him....and must e-mail elle to apologise for standing her up on saturday..(was spose to go to firework display)...ahhhh.. i such a terrible friend......

6.39pm

AHHH...assesmnet tomoz...just finished essay plan..do feel a little better however am still feeling emotional and am very worried that am not going to be able 2 go in tomoz...bloody TOM...ahhhhhhh..and i still really want PIZZA....now what to have for dinner...mmm ..will keep it light....maybe a frankfuter with salad?? and of corse am allowing self pud..coz still have been quite good..and if i say no altogether ..apparently will explode and have a huge binge...(wud not want that to happen!) i just have to keep xmas in mind and cw !!!!!

5.10pm

Okay just got back from bar.....with cute waiter...he was so sweet...asked me how i was...said crap..he said to look on positive side...v.sweet! okay so i did not to too badly with the old food, but not a good as i could have had;

sunday roast (beef, carrots gravy, 1/2 yorkshire pudding,1 potatoe)

beer shandy

decafe latte

1 jelly baby (present from cute waiter) and 1 piece of carobella

Feel much better.....i think was sweer of i'll call him cw to give me a jelly baby.....well i would have been rude of me not to have eaten it! Am going to have small dinner, but not yet coz am v.full and need to be getting on with some more revision, and i swear i getting addited to carobella! yum yum (good substitue for choco!)

MC texted me asking me for another girl mob num..mmmmm......anyway said i didnt have it on me...which was the truth!!!! and we said we would get together in week ...maybe to bar where...cw works.mmmmmm......

but then maybe not good to cross bar cw with MC...or maybe wud be good idea...it would show cw have other guys around me aswell...mmm..maybe could ask MC to big me up..when he gets drinks??mmmmm.... ok so i should stop obseessing about guys...oh poo.... just remebered assesment tomoz...essay plan stil to do..AHHH....must go and do it..will feel better and organised after!

12.38pm

Am crying for the first time in ages...not just crying (reallllyyy crying)............................................i just feel like there is no point to anything...keep reminding myself that it is pre-TOM.... i'm just confused about life in general...

Whats the point to revision?

why did my friends dad die?

When am i gonna meet guy of dreams (if ever??)

When will i loose weight (if ever??)

ahhhhhhh i gotta go out ...feel so alone..need a busy environment...maybe bar with cutewaiter guy......or maybe not?????? But i have to get bloody bloody revision done.....dont even feel like going out but maybe will do me good...will put some make- up on..to make self look half decent??(if poss!)  ahh

Will life ever get easier?

11.48pm

AAHHHH revision..it seems so insignificant compared with death...it really is terrible,,,,, it must be so awful for him....anaway will distract self ..oh yer... just had piece of  carobella...ohhh revision.... hate revision hate revsion...feel so angry/upset..maybe due to pre-TOM??? But still have so much to do for monday... and i am worryed that might have TOM tomoz...plz no..plz no....ahhh sometimes i hate being a female...it sucks ..having to deal with these kind of emotions each and everymonth..AAHHhhhh....anyway...no mater how horrid i feel must remeber to eat minimum! coz eeling horrid and lokking horrid...just is so not nice! oh,,I SOUND SO SUPERFIcial! Death really puts life in perspective must remember:

Not be so superficial

to appreciate life

to live life to full and not to worry about insignificant things e.g. weight

Do revision

AND remeber to love being a woman (even with bloody TOM

10.17

for my breakfast i had a little sausage and 2 mushrooms... but it hardly matters because a good friends father died yesterday..will update you..when feeling a little less shocked.....

10.00pm

just had choco pud.....yum yum and didnt feel guilty coz havent hardly eaten today...all very good....but still very hungry....mmm.....might have something healthy...like a peice of ham?? just having a babybel.....yummmmmmyyyy,,,,,,, watching shirley temple filmm...so sillly but fun.. he he !!!

7.54pm

Just finished Media essay...ahhhh..boring! and decided not to go to firework display due to bloody revision... And just had dinner.... i had:

chicken tikka masala curry (home made by friend!)

diet coke

green beans

piece of carobella choco.

So all very healthy and carb free hurrah.. i felt very proud..coz did have rice on my plate and left it...yey finally a bit of self control will have pudding tonight... i do deserve a treat....wow have done very well..am very suprised.....am woman of substance and contoll! ohhh where the chamagne???? yum yum just had sip...but will have no more as want to be focused and alert for yet more bloody revision!!! NEEEEED PIZZZAAA!  And when i feel like having a pud..will think of new improoved me for xmas...yes i will be gorgeous in time for the festive season.....!! yey! hurrahhhhh..... wonder how Bi is....mmmm..so gorgeous.....havent spoke to him for ages...we seem to ignore each other...maybe he knows i know??mmmm

5.27pm

Hace just come back from shopping....feel very pleased with self, as only had orange juice and a chocolate at costa, and not sufar/fat hotchoclate ..hurah! have managed to be self controlled all day! but am so so soooo hungry, but to be stick before xmas is nessarsary, anway went to health food shop and stocked up of fruit bars and atkins bar, bought an atkins vanilla shake, had a sip, and nearly threw up so that is binned! feel that i have done well today ...ok must get on with revision, and then going out to firework display! hurrah!!!! 

2.14pm

jUST had 2 olives and 2 sardines, tinyest most low carb snack could think of, going shopping now, as have student block! cant revise nymore down to LAZINESS spot nose wud say----well poo him!

2.04pm

i want chocolate...the good stuff..the stuff that had praline in it...ahhhhh goin to kill myself..ahhhhh forgett forget...might have champagne...coz apparently it better than having a cocktail, vodka or choco,,,,suits me just fine! and actually have hlf full bottle of it in my fridge! hurrah!

1.10pm

AHHHHHHH...cant be botherd with anymore revision and my head still hurts. anway bright side of revision....mmm... wont eat because will be busy, will be cleverer, will pass assesment, wont go shopping, and therefore wont waste spend money, will aquire a greater knowlege of 'the romantics' for future reference (dinner party convos) and will be very devoted student and proove spot nose that am not lazy!

i want pizza!!!!!

12.10pm

Ok,so have just finished reading background stuff on the poem si have to learn- 'the romantics' ...went well, but my head still hurts...but tummy ok...not yet TOM..yey might be able to shopping this afternoon??mmmm. anyway just had 2 frankfuters with mustard, very yummy, and carb free..hurah!will not have anything sweet until tonight...must drink loads to make my tummy think i'm full..ha ha i a girl with a plan..am going to be stick by december!

10.51am

Ahhhh....my head ...hurts...very...much! and think it is TOM (time of month) so double ow! Grrrnesss...have got so much revision to do for assesments on monday.......and still have to rember that from today am on starvation plan!...ha ha doesnt sound as good as Healthy eathing plan....but it is nessarsary!......cant go shopping due to revision and feeling...so its not all good.....! right i will start revision at 11 feeling good or not.....havent had anything to eat yet. will wait till 12,anyway not exactly hungry now! ok...revsion calls!

9.51pm

ahhhh...had such a fun time...friends just left,,,had such a cool time...the fireworks were fabulous...real biggens! But the men handled that! They were smug marries with gorgeous baby....! apart from cying and napppy changing was fun and happy evening.....ahhh but i wont bother to list what i eaten to tipsy and too ashamed! but alot!

okay so have established that healthy eating doesnt work so will have to resort to, no carb starvation diet!! want to look fab for xmas! so i better set how much i wanna loose for the 1st of december..mmmmm..okay need to be realistic...mmmmm.... maybe half a stone and 1 pound! yes that will be my target weight lose...will commence tomoz!! ahhhh...going to bed now......or maybe will watch shirley temple movie...mmmm...

5.14pm

Oh my ....AHHH am so exhausted....ok so this was my day.. got up..has breaky (chicken and edam cheese) went to college, ...blah blah blha...tummy rubeling..blah blah went to luch double yuck...college food..peereerrrrrrrrr ewwwww! had dogey fish with mint pasta? and cucuber? --i know odd mixture but left most of it! oh and forgott, wieghed self this morning and hav gained 1 pound--ahhhhhhhhhhh i dont UNDERSTAND! MUst cut down from tomorow as bonfire night tonight and having friends round..with lots of sweety things! went to smoking arera....ahhhhhh oh anyaway tea time had little cake!  too yummy..rushed to spot noses class..oh and he called me lazy---bloody wierdo!...and am home now..ahhh finally! Did i take one break noooooooo...and oh yer i keep forgetting as usual...in a sugar haze at moment...had lesson(as in me teaching girl) and went really well...maybe one could say i was a natural teacher..ohhh ..noo they couldnt anyway..she didnt have 15 £ ...Grrrrr.. but promised to pay me on monday! phew if she doesnt even more GRRRness...oh yer and had life drawing class at 8.55am ...full frontal nudity....not pleasant coz was old female...anyway gotta go...muled wine and toffee aples here i come.....!

9.30pm

just got back from bar.... cute waiter wasnt there..... anyway had gorgeous rib eye steak with sauteed potatoes and bernaise sause,, which was lush!!!! and had amazingly yummy scrumy charizo sausage! and oh yer.... hot choclate- ahhhhh come to think of it now--feel so guilty...oohhh,,,nooo am having at mo.. yum starburst! oh dear well, i did excersise a little today???? not to sure it would actually classfy as 'excersise' but i was out of breath?? ha ha! anway.. tutoring lesson tomoz... 15 quid here i come! yey..feel very english teacherish! maybe will wear office chic clothes!.........!

5.05pm

ha ha..... an hr ago had a walk...very refreshing! feel envigorated.......and well just brilliant!! hurrah am satisfied at last and donnot have man in life!! ha ha ha! which was a call for celebration and had 2 spoonfuls of chicken sandwhich filler! whch i am officially addicted to! must remeber to go to chicken sandwhich filler anonomous! CSFA meeting --lol! 

Going out tonight....mmmm where shall i go..maybe cool bar.. where there is a cute waiter..that i often flirt with...now what shoes should i wear???

3.24pm

ahhhhhh in heaven..just had 2 choco pieces.... i know i know..... ahh so scared that i am not gonna have lost any weight--positive thinking! anyway just got back from spot noses class, MC sat next to me...i seriously couldn't stop laughing!!! ha ha h amwah!!!! i have no clue why its just that he is hystericaly funny....and things are always funnier when one cannot laugh...hurrar..!Am going to excersise (run?) and then do some work...dread dread anyway has to be done! Now lets see if my jogging bottoms are still in my closet?? mmmm

1.01pm.....

had fabulously nothing night yesterday, indulged in low fat cadbury choco mousee and low carb kit kat... totally yummy, and watched , stupid romantic comedies..and suprisingly did not feel like killing people on screen for being 'in a steady relationship!'...am calm rested respectable woman! bonfire night tomorow...MC  and co cannot come tomorow because they have reherslas all night,,,,but might get otgether with MC at weekend??

Saw Mr.high today...mmmm.looking so gorgeous in a brown shirt and jean! caught him looking at me a couple of time, but stayed aloof (as mystery is attractive) aparently! OH must ring elle..to organise getting together to get tipsy and have girly night in! Woke up this morning feeling very rested..tired but still rested and had brown pita, woth chicken and low fat mayo...and just had bit of choco brownie that mum sent me.. !! so yum..but its weigh day tomorow will see if i have lost anything....ahhhh please please!!!! And have heated up last night chicken with half pita bread.....!

7.19pm

ahhhh ...in heaven......

just had home made..(not by me..) salmon with creme fresh, dill , lemon ,cucumber and caviar!!!!!!!!

so yummy, and carb free--hurrar!

8.13pm Just had

chicken dish with olives, and lettuce--- and i must confees indulged in  4 low carb rolos!!!!! which suprisingly tastes like real thing! HURRAH!!

6.41pm

FEEEL GOOOOOOD.. for first time in ages am in positive mood...have embraced singletonhood!! yey hurrah triump...am confident..woman of substance and dont need man to complete me... but chocolate!! NO NO NO...can live without choco...can live without choco!! NOOOOO  cannot!!!! anyway just scoffed 3 salmon canepees!! so delicious!! yum yum............. looking forward to none eventful evening ahead of me.... just me and my book and salmon canepees!!!!

3.55pm

Okay had such a stressful morning ..but actually had very productive and intellectual stimulating day...... stared the day off by have a brown pita bread with cream cheese and smoked salmon! was so nice to have scrm but healthy break for once! HA HA HA MWAH! in lesson with spot nose today felt totally bored at begginning of lesson and then had sudden urge of creativity/genius..and came out with comments such as; 'i think this poem has sardonic undertones.' HA well put that in ya pipe and smoke it mr phd spot nose!!! And as wel as being a literary genius, have sorted out problem of being totally strapped for very much need cash! TUTORING yes you heard right, cant beleive it myself but it seems sensible.... when i was in smoking area (where peeps generally smoke!!)  girl who is in spot noses class came up to me in state about a reveiw that is in for monday?? she said she needed desparate help offered me £20 quid to tutor her for an hour! but as a wonderfully nice girl that i am i said 15 would be way enough?? why why why? so yer am very pleased with self....... went out for luch today....at my ever loving pub, had; meditaranean vegable and mozareal cheese foccachio and chips!!  i know i know --- evil chips but resisted pudding and walked it off....so all good!!!!

Am lusting over this guy in my theatre class, i'll cal him mr.high, in the sense that he is wonderfully tall, tanned and totally desirable...mmmm.. oh anyway he is drop dead gorgeous, but hardly feel in his legue, as he annoying me by flirting with blonde, thin, tanned girl in class...ahhhh ,,and theres me with my crazy curly hair, always being late and looking like the walking dead in the morning, when i'll call her bimbo , when bimbo breazes in with here burberry coat and flawless, skin... and says casually in her soft german accent 'hi' to mr high ..ahhhhhh... have tryed to be flirty but just get nervous, will play it down... mmm. must go revision....

9.52

Am watching shirley temple film...very heartning and funny! just had suprisingly scrummy;

cadbury 1/2 fat trifle choco mousse

saugsage (red) getting quite addted to those things??????

anyway must go back to film--- shirley (she so cutey) reminds me of self when i was young!!!

So stressed and depressed with life all of a sudden (so much for positive attitude), exhausted with guys and dating game in general-cant be stufed anymore//// on up side had very scrummy and satisfing dinner

m&s chicken stir fry and lettuce-- might just as well not bother and give up with this bloody healthy eating plan..cause guys are the ultimate reson women diet anyway and have officially given up on them so.....who cares...

5.23pm

WeLL that was well deserved--just read for an hour.... and so had 2 forkfuls of chicken sandwhich filler...okay did not read continually for hour..but then i still read-lol- It is so wierd though as whenever eat as well as feeling hungry feel sick at same time???? anyway, am looking forward to thursday as have invited MC and a couple of other friends, for fireworks and chips--should be fun---will be perfect hostess and appear calm and collected! am in positive mood!! wil stay in positive mood!!!

3.56pm

Ahhhh so annoying have been wanting to write, all day, but bloody computer have been behaving v. badly!

anyway..actually had fab day, had a good english lesson, was trying to appear as intellectual and woman of substance ect.. to spot nose... seemed to be quite impressed with words that i used such as.. enigmatic and morbid!! Anyway at 11.30 this morning i swear my tummy was hurting i felt so hungry, but resisted, had pita bread with chicken, lettuce,

red sausage thing, (which was an interesting experience)

half a packet of fruit sweets!!! (yummy scrumy!!)  and just literally had half a packet of organic salmon!

Had too much FOOD TODAY Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....but actually as Elle said it was all healthy and 'good quality' (bar fruit sweets) which i enjoyed the most...mmmm..... Saw MC today and we had right laugh, i  have no clue why, its just he is so bloody hilarious!! Also saw Bi, and i looked at him-- no not just looked at him..really looked at him, and thought at the time before i found out he bats for both teams, i thought he was so sensitive and had a good fashion sense, and suprisingly was into disney characters.... thought this was fabulous for a straight guy... obviously not--hes not camp whatsoever,..mmm.confused..should i say something like ask him if it is true or drop him...come to think of it heard he was going to gay club with his friends..mmmm..Grrrr so bloody CONFUSED-- nyway--thats no change will fogett about gotta read a text for spot nose....

8.21am

Ahhhhh, Grrrr feel not good this mornign -- like hung over have a cracker head ace and go to go into colege in 10 mins! had a interesting dinner yesterday-

chicken, cheese, lettuce-

4 peices of galaxy-3 fruit sweets

red wine (culpret!!!)

felt a bit sciffy after red wine on empty tummy before dinner....rang my best friend up -elle and we complained about guys and how we can live with out them.

Her; 'you should not depend on guys so much, you are an independent woman.'

me;'yes so toally . i dont need a guy to complete me.'

her. 'Exaclty.'

and ect.. so felt a little better--told her about MC and bi and ect... ahhhhh feel confused and it is only 8.26 in morning, oh had breaky had

pita bread

with chciken sandwhich filler! so yummy!!

Going to be so much better today, i'm HAVE TO WATCHWHAT I EAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and i have to revise! better dash.... and not snack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

6.04pm

think tutor does not like me, he has like a phd or something and prob considers me as a dumb blonde or sumfin! He is a bit wierd if u ask moi-- he like always has this spot on his nose-- i'll call him spot nose....

anyway saw MC and was all bit weird he kinda acted like nothin had happened or something?? very strange'' and also saw this guy who i will call Bi as he is exactly that-- right shortened version of story--basically i really fancied him, we agredd to meet up, said he couldnt at last minute- me confused - him acting strange- found out from MC that he is infact bisexual- me again confused, shocked ect...- he apparently got off with a guy i know!-- havent seen him since all that( a week ago) -saw him today-him flirty/friendly- me CONFUSED!"!! why are guys such scitzos???

anyway ate a chilli olive (yuk!)

am ver hungry but will wait till dinner...mmmm what to have???? and will i ever find a decent bf???

4.12pm

Am totally exhausted (time change??) couldnt be bothered to do any revision or listen to tutors tday, and i really must stop going to pub for lunches/dinners/booze-- coz 1) spendn too much £ 2) eating to many carbs 3) Landlord said 'you still ere'?'--- so willl remind self to cook (what a joke) ok attempt at cooking something healthy balanced low carb... but meal was scrummy at pub had;

j2o( orange and cranberry)

loads of mash and 1 and a quater sauges,

some ful fat cheese

slim lime tonic

and 2 peices of 70% organic choco....

i really must cut down,.... Grrr so how come i dont manage to do so... will cut down....will cut down! Ahhhhh just realised have to go to next lecture/boring lesson.... will be first time i see MC-- since wensday-- i dont know what it will be like-- feel bit funny from him standing me up ect.. ahh will see....

10.59am

okay so dont feel so suicidal today, just got back from college- boring boring boring, felt very hungry at 8.00 this morning, and there was no breaky stuff in cuboards so had manky tomato soup, and am just eating 'low carb' kit kat which was actually very yum!, anyway, nothing 'spooky' happened last night, (thank goodnes) and bonfire night is on the frieday-- oh yey--( i was being sarcastic) -- fireworkd automatically mean burgers and chips... will try to resist....

9.35pm

went to pub had band--- but went on own as MC couldnt come as was stuck in central london-- ahhh the excuses! well turms out had a bit of crappy evening, felt a little lonely and lost, turns out i guess i do need guys--- but then they only let oyu down -AHHHHHHHHHHHH

i had curry, rice

pumpkin tart

red wine

and am having choclate and do not care!! wen let down by guy desperate measues are needed!!!

will be better tomorow--oh start of college, and presentation in, havent done anything--great life stinks!!

cause i just been on a 'hauted' website (as it is haloween) an researched the area where i live and there are like loads of ghoats--dont actually beleive they excist just getting into the Haloween spirit!!

Now fancy a little haloweeen treat-- a pizza----NO NO NO NO- no exceptions!!

4.51pm

came back from lch(lunch) half and half a ago, had a fab time,, really enjoyed self, was V.G with meals and carb intake had;

2 sauseges

mash patato! ( toally gorgeous)

3 olives,

pint of diet coke

ordered rice pudding but tasted off crap so sent it back and had sweet nothing!

Had real good time, am prob going out tonight with MC to pub for drink, will be fun, but am not sure its gonna happen but i am happy anyway, and will go with or without him!! Have stopped moaning about singleton hood and decided to embrace it and take on rest of world ect..... So am positive and happy (first time in days)

have to go ,, to do nothing, hope MC can make it tonight, but then am a capable woman that doesn't need men so if he cant will manage!! till next time my sweet diary....

9.21am

oh yey and ohhhh it HALLOWEEEEENNNNNN

and feel good as got so much on today, going out for luch 9with friends) and going out tonight with MC to oub for haloween drink--- he excited --wonder if i should wear a costume??

for breaky i had a doughnut which was yummy, couldnt be bothered to cook or make ,yself ny thing.. weighed myself this morning-- havent changed or lost or gained anything-- oh well will give it 3 more days!! that mean no more doughnuts for breaky!!!!

9.18

was ok last night, had as starter;

chicken liver pate (no bread)

hallibut, asparagus, bean, tomatoes 1 fat chip. 1 forkful of mash.

for pudding; a cup of balileys choclate mousse-- but left most of it as was to strong!

5 salt and balsamic vinegar crips. 

ok wen i look at it now went a little OTT but it was all yummy...

6.11pm

Just had 1 and half pringles-- s&v flavour--do have immense weakness for s&v pringles-- ahhh nyway going out for dinner now--- i will keep it healthy i promise!!!!

6.01pm

had some scrummy yummy tuna pasta, and then went shopping which i totally am pleased with self coz i bought, 2 pairs of beautiful shoes!! and so burnt off that tuna pasta!! then had at costa, a diet pepsi, and half of a almond croissant-- so very scrummy- and felt pleased with self as did not scoff  the lot!!!!!

Ahhhh but just realised will have no money to go out tomoz as spend 35 quid!! -- will try and MC to payy- coz he such a gentleman!! ha ha i so evil!!

1.01pm

had some water

half of an atkins mint bar

red wine ( no joking or am i?? ha ha)

which to be honest was pretty icky ... actually tasted vaguley of dog foo ...( not that i have ever eaten dog food-can only imagine! But i am in better mood, because look like i am actually doing something for haloween, MC might come roung-- or might go out with friends,, to pub.... feel a little perkier, but now i have to be getting on with somerevision, oh and need lunch!"

10.10

am having 2 eggs--yummy and carb free YEY!

10.00

Just woke up-feel terrible... who knows why am feeling so low, and unwell (lack of carbs?) (lack of pizza???!!) really want to go out tonight, as a male friends who i will call MC told me to 'go out' --would love to go out with him tonight, but we will see whats going on,,, told him was feeling lonely/low--- think it freaked him out a BIT COZ HE DIDNT TXT BCK-- OH DEAR-- AMDE ME WANNA  have pizza---ahhhh gotta get it out of head!

9.26pm

AHHHHH poo poop pooo... feel generally agitated(right spelling?) ---(who bloody cares?)

had about 5 pieces of 70% coco solids chcolate--- sugar burst has worn off and now on a low-- want a dougnut -- and hungry but that will ahve to wait,,, as am very busy writing this....

Is a friday night and at home-- never really occoured to me to go out-- which i might add is not like me... Haloween in 2 days-- who knows what i will be doing for that, want to go out on saturday night to Tantra with a friend, but i will see, to be honest feel like i do not want to go out at all.... feel a little unattractive because of stupid horrid bloomin braces.. friends tell me i look attractive and 'just fine' but what can i say-- they are good friends..... very single at the moment, cant be bothered with the commitment of a boyfriend but then security would be ( i hate to say it) nice, and welcomed, sometimes i get just.. tired from the chase.... anyway feel weirdly dizzy so will go and watch somethign to cheer me up----

7.04 post pub-

- Had good time at pub- very exhausted now-- need some food.....

YuM yUm in my tum, just had some tuna pasta! very yummy- i know carbs but is all i can eat right now with braces and such! Have worked out that to loose weight i have to half the food consumption and therefore calories that am consuming a day!- this food diary is helping- haven't snacked but must from tomorow keep meals to low carb and cal! -- yer like i am gonna manage to do that!!

6.08

ho hum-- no very good today AAHHHHH totally binged on carbs had;

quarter of bowl of chips

disgusting stilton soup(left most of it)

chocolate ice cream(yum yum)

maltesas(double yum yum)

jam doughnut(triple yum yum!)

only second day of diet and have totally lost my way- help help help!

11.09

... Ahhhhhh, nothing tastes right, not even my lovely carb free heinz tomato soup! I SOSO SO SO NEED pizza-- but no will think of something eles-- ok this just doesn't workam going to wait to lunch where i am going to meet some friends at --(yer you guessed) the pub-- i cant have anything but soup-- but maybe a cocktail will not hurt-up date soon........

10.06

I WANT PIZZA AND LOTS OF IT NOW! but am going to resist as have no pizza in fridge and cant be bothered to go out and get it-

had terrible sleep due to dreadid bloomin' brcs( braces) ahhhh in so much pain!

I really want to eat solids buti really dont think i can-- oh well --- will keep me away from those Atkins bars !

8.42pm

okay so a very painful experience! my teeth feel like they are goin to fal out-- ordered skinny chips-- ( i know i know carbs!) and sausages... they came looks too yummy and i could not face it,, very strange lost my appatite-- maybe cause was in serious pain!

So left most of it.. good you might think-- i do to-- but it realy looked LUSH !!  oh well you know what they say a minute on the hips..... etc! Not that i actually need to looose wieght according to this BMI scale thing, but a girl always wants to look her best and sometimes knocking off a couple pounds does no harm!!!

okay so am actually happy, which is amazing considering i have just had brces fitted! good for diet as cant have anything but soup bad for teeth cause in agony! After dentist went to costa, was so tempted to have a frescato-( chocolate) but managed ( who knows how?) to resist and had an espresso and double cream! which was LUSH but according to old Dr Atkins it is healthy and has absolutley so cards YEY YEY AND YUM!

going out for dinner-yes again being the terrible cook and popular person i am! see what reaction i get from guys with my new brace-- metal mouth??? no no no --unique as my dentise likes to put it!

2.45 pm

Just got back from pub, and feel a little too full! ( not that i ate too much!) okay so i had:

1. One diet coke , 1 cal per 2 sips!

2. A chicken ceaser salad, but didn't finish it all!

3. Garlic bread- (half piece) Too yummy to be healthy

4. One moccachino- correct spelling?

No No No, when i look at what i ate it looks alot- oh well not too many cars- is sugar a carb?? If so swipe that! ok so i will not eat until dinner- NO SNACKS NO SNACKS! maybe if i say that a hundred times a day i will brain wash myself into actually managing to have NO SNACKS! And if i am dessperate i can have a choco bar- ( dont worry it is a no carb, no gluten, no point atkins bar) well maybe i'll just stick to NO SNACKS! there i have already said it 4 times only 96 more times to go!

11.57am

Some chocolate! --- and had 1 and half squares! However, its not bad, cause its this really expensive, 70% coco solid organic stuff that gave my a i quote 'steady realise of sugar', and i think it working i actually fell awake! Beleive me i find it very hard to feel awake before 12 midday!! Not feeling to hungry will bear it out till luch--ohhhh chips, choclate--ahhhhhh stop stop must think of something eles.... Hmmmmmm. What should i think about oh i know shoes-- although i hardly have any money so not the best bet, Hmmmmmm. Guys, although again resorces are low so maybe not the best bet either, okay need destraction !!!! Hmmmmmm-- chocolate AHHHHH. Not exactly geting very, far oh okay i got it. What to have for lunch? I really cant be bothered to make anythign ( not that i cook, the only thing i have made in the kitchen is a mesh!)-- ahh the pub- will have a low carb salad! and diet coke!!