more somewhat meaningful song lyrics

We've got something kinda funny goin' on
We've got something kinda funny goin' on.
Wherever you're going high or low
Remember to sure enjoy the show
So climb aboard my journey deep inside
Better late than dead on time
Ooh it's you I know I have got to feed
Ooh don't take from me more than you really need

More than you really need

We've got something kinda funny goin' on
We've got something kinda funny goin' on.

Happiness is just a state of your mind,
Keep searching who knows what you may find,
Rules are for fools, and fool's paradise is hard to find,
Play my game or get left behind,
It's you I know that I have got to feed,
Take from me what you feel that you need,
You feel that you need.

We've got something kinda funny goin' on,
We've got something kinda funny goin' on.

You've got it...
You've got it...
You've got it...

Feelin' kinda funny, when I'm with you honey,
Feelin' kinda queezy I ain't that easy.
We've got something kinda funny . . .

Everytime I think about this I should be getting angry. But everytime I get angry I realize the futility of it all because it doesn't matter anymore. Apparently we're done for life.

Which I guess is a fair trade, since we've spent five years of it together already.

Maybe, finally, he really did sicken of my friendship.

I always thought one day he would.

I did it for revenge alright? A steaming pile of revenge. I got what I wanted, and what I deserved. And I guess I should have known you'd be angry about it one day. Atleast you're being honest even if it's hypocritical bullshit.

*sigh*

I'd say fuck you... but a) you don't read this... and b) you already have

don't hang on

nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky

......

dust in the wind.... all we are is dust in the wind

Just got the neon green flier for the Senior All Night Party. Probably won't go. It will be lame. The only people there worth seeing will most likely be Brett (who is obligated to go as class VP) and his girlfriend Diana (also obligated because of Brett, because they are in luuuuurve.... what a crock....

Now I'm stuck in homeroom... sans Fitz, with two randy boys... HELP

when will it end! WHEN!

blehg... all for now

*sigh* not much to say right this second

I think I'm going to go find a distraction

Anakin Skywalker killed all of the jedi in the temple... I went to the theatre with this knowledge. But I thought that by Jedi they meant... age 13 and up or something. Anakin went to the temple and killed a bunch of six and eight year olds. I cried....

JC cried when they put the Darth Vader mask on.

And then we got into an argument over whether or not I was a Sith... he is undoubtedly... but I refuse to believe I'm that evil.

"The seed of doubt has been planted.."

*slap* "Oh shutup."

What the fuck... are you doing?

Watched Face Off last night.. the one with Nicholas Cage and John Travolta. I've seen it before of course. But still... FUCKING AWESOME!. *le sigh* Also watched the Mary Shelley version of Frankenstein, which was totally cool... and creepy. The only problem was that the actor who played Dr. Victor Frankenstein was the same actor who played Gilderoy Lockhart in the Harry Potter movies... so I kept thinking...

"and if you want to know how I killed Frankenstein.. you can purchase my signed autobiography.. Magical Me..."

...wierd...

going to watch Star Wars, kickass droids that wield lightsabers, and of course DARTH FUCKING VADER!

*orgasm noise*

ciao

skipped school yesterday to play with pictures on my computer and in my bedroom. Found a bunch of my sister and I when we lived in Massachusetts, and I scanned the prom picture Jess took of me to put online.

and Dustav says I'm beautiful *squee*

what a thing to brighten your day.... and you know what else brightens right now... I'm spending study hall alone in the video production room listening the Saturday Night Live Celebrity Jepordy. (sp?)

Sean Connery "we meet again Trebec... I noticed that you couldn't sit down during the break, what's the matter sweetie... did you have a date last night?"

THE DAY IS MINE!

I've got to find a way to send those files to you Dustav, if you haven't already heard them you'll get a kick out of them.

Four minutes till gym class. Blegh...... I think I'm just going to say fuck changing my shoes and do gym in pjs and chucks. w007. Jo/asshole asked me this morning if I"d checked my e-mail lately. I checked my email and the evil nibblet fuck is asking me out. Good God...... "and the show has reached a new low."

dadumdadumdadeeda..........

Jesus Christ am I bored. I've spent the last two hours doing silly things that don't matter. Reading fanfiction and whatnot...

sleepysleepysleepy

I think I'm getting sick... sore throat and all that.... I have this totally awesome concert tonight... a concert in which I must sing... by myself.

Yeah.... w007.

Don't know how anyone can stand having class right now. Blegh.

Jessica and the other Jessica are both free Friday. Which means that I'll actually be able to shoot this weekend. F-in A Cotton... F-in A.... I'm so excited to finish this movie. I finished editing most of the scenes today. All I need to do now is finish shooting and schedule a date for the auditorium. Toughest thing I think will be finding a free date for the auditorium. I don't really need the stage... just the overhead thingy and the seats. So exciting. I'm inviting the three regional newspapers and the student body, and my friends, the cast, my family (sort of) and my teachers. This is going to be fucking awesome.

Jess handed me the list for things to bring for the beach when we go on the eleventh... tell me what you think of this goodness that she popped into the list for effect.

"Shampoo, conditioner, soap, tooth paste, tooth brush, shaving gel and razors, (contacts, solution and case IF you have), condoms (just in case), hair dryers, hair things...... sunscreen, lotion, pot, chapstick (with SPF)"

I adore Jess' sense of humor.

A little worried about Jess. She told me some very disturbing things yesterday, while crying in my arms. One of the things she said kind of made me wonder a little bit. She was upset that she did something so stupid, after berating people who made the same mistake.

But don't we all?

Are morals really ideals through actions that we live every day? Or are they just hypocracy. Or do people really live by their morals. Do they just have them? I thought about "Are there really people who can change your own ideals... even for just an instant? A critical instant that could totally change your life? Or are some people just so weak that they really didn't stand by the ideology they claimed to in the first place."

Somehow I think I already know the answer to that question.

I told her everything was going to be okay. That I would be there when she needed me. That she could always count on me, that I would help her in any way I could. An unspecified promise that whatever she needed (company, friendship, money... tests...)

I would do my best to get it to her.

Faith had damned well better let me keep my promises *looks ominously up toward the heavens*

Kevin tried to get me to tell him what was wrong with her. How could he even ask me to do something like that. "I care for her" I know that Kevin! Not the point. I know she wouldn't want me to tell you because you're so far up on your high horse that you could never reconcile the things she's done with the person you think she is. Not until you realize that she isn't on the glass pedestal that you've put her upon.

*sigh*

In short... I refused to tell him.

"When she's ready to tell you she'll tell you."

And he accepted that as an answer without berating me anymore.

So I guess maybe I shouldn't be so harsh with him. ...... grrrrrrr.....

"You totally missed the point of my story. It's about the hypocracy of the place, which I just couldn't tolerate."

Today's one of those days that starts out fantastically and slowly goes downhill. Not in a "Jesus Christ this day fucking sucked," kind of way. More in a "blegh" kind of way really. Great weather, nice and overcast... not too sunny. Not enough wind though, it's too humid for me to really enjoy it.

      Didn't get a chance to go up to Kelly's roof yesterday. I ended up spending most of the evening in JC's basement instead. Hmmm.... Not much to say about that really. Nothing that hasn't happened a million times before. I think maybe that's why I don't feel quite content. There are never any surprises. I hate that. I hate his complacency when it comes to showing affection. Why am I always the one who initiates anything?

*sigh*

Listening to the Requiem for a Dream soundtrack now. Feeling a tad better. The orchestration is just so surreal, and I can never quite get over how beautiful the cello theme is.

I'm trapped in a cage by these beautiful mountains surrounding me.

The closer I get to my freedom, the easier it seems to be to give up. I want to leave NOW... and I still have twenty-one days left. It's too hot. Too stifling. And I'm so bored.

... and I'm whining...

time to go do something constructive

... maybe....

haven't posted in awhile. Decided to post again two days ago when I realized that I missed Dustav's company. Most of my issues with the post-senioritis assholes have passed me by, but things still aren't the same. I'm just kind of skating through this last month. Only a few more days until I turn eighteen. Till I have my own everything. My own life...

I'm kind of excited....

wanna hang out Dustav?

listening to the Gorillas right now in my head, and they kick ass. Early nineties all the way mother-fuckers!

What I'll end up doing tonight is going to Kelly and Vega's apartment and watching a movie. What I want to do tonight is go up on Kelly's rooftop with her and listen to kick ass music while we look at whatever is up there tonight.

"when we met.... fate was laughing her ass off."

I do not like jello.

A good show last night, truly. Blithe Spirit is a hit. Kudos to Noel Coward for writing such a spectacular show. Lots of congradulations today, and other such wonderfulness. w007

Everything went wrong,
And the whole day long
I'd feel so blue.
For the longest while
I'd forget to smile,
Then I met you.
Now that my blue days have passed,
Now that I've found you at last


I'll be loving you Always
With a love that's true Always.
When the things you've planned
Need a helping hand,
I will understand Always.

Always.

Days may not be fair Always,
That's when I'll be there Always.
Not for just an hour,
Not for just a day,
Not for just a year,
But Always.

I'll be loving you, oh Always
With a love that's true Always.
When the things you've planned
Need a helping hand,
I will understand Always.

Always.

Days may not be fair Always,
That's when I'll be there Always.
Not for just an hour,
Not for just a day,
Not for just a year,
But Always.

Not for just an hour,
Not for just a day,
Not for just a year,
But Always.

A good show last night, truly. Blithe Spirit is a hit. Kudos to Noel Coward for writing such a spectacular show. Lots of congradulations today, and other such wonderfulness. w007

Everything went wrong,
And the whole day long
I'd feel so blue.
For the longest while
I'd forget to smile,
Then I met you.
Now that my blue days have passed,
Now that I've found you at last


I'll be loving you Always
With a love that's true Always.
When the things you've planned
Need a helping hand,
I will understand Always.

Always.

Days may not be fair Always,
That's when I'll be there Always.
Not for just an hour,
Not for just a day,
Not for just a year,
But Always.

I'll be loving you, oh Always
With a love that's true Always.
When the things you've planned
Need a helping hand,
I will understand Always.

Always.

Days may not be fair Always,
That's when I'll be there Always.
Not for just an hour,
Not for just a day,
Not for just a year,
But Always.

Not for just an hour,
Not for just a day,
Not for just a year,
But Always.

Am so very exhausted. Just got back from the Model UN trip to Lock Haven... the first one I've ever been on, and it was great. I enjoyed it immensely, once I got over the fear of looking incredibly stupid. Pshaw.... nearly everyone there was less prepared than I was. Doesn't matter anyhow.... after lunch I had some awesome questions that pwned the crap out of the freshman (were they seniors? whatever)... and before I just sat and enjoyed a bunch of people (including the less-than-stellar-chair) make asses of themselves. Haven't had that much fun in a long time.

Model UN pickup lines discussed today

"Will you moderate my caucus?"

"If I invaded Djbouti, do you think Greece would help?"

"You're pretty well-developed for a third world country?"

and addressed to Kevin (said by an old fat bald guy) "Hey Serbia.... nice job."

So as I said, I had an awesome question (I thought) but it was my first time so..... basically I just slammed the hell out of the entire committee for not passing anything that I thought was good. (which was basically everything my school had come up with)...

Dustav, I have you added to my buddy list... so hopefully we'll actually manage to be online at the same time.

Off to listen to Fitz talk some more (always a fun time) and then off to watch old movies with Drama people and try on more odd fitting clothing (possibly a fun time).

What's up Dustav?

Sitting in a creative writing class today... not mine, of course, but a creative writing class.

"See this? Doodles! I went to all of my classes today, and a few that weren't mine... walked into the wrong room... liked what I heard... stayed." - Van Wilder

It's just awesome to be able to sit and stare out of the window... write... listen to music while the underclassmen are "Learning." I know it might be cruel to do this to them, but then, they might think that I'm working over here, so perhaps it really doesn't matter.

Listening to the Garden State soundtrack. Excellent film, by the way, in case you haven't seen it. Quasi-post-modern is what my good friend Dan describes it as. I just think it's a great movie. Touching, in the way that I want the movie I finish next month to be.

What's Katie like?

Hey, are you lonely?
Has summer gone so slowly?
We found the ground
And that damage was done
It's cold as you fade into the sun
Where'd you go? To me?

But you're alive!
Well, it's only
Fallen frames, they told me
You stand out, it's so loud
And so what if it is?
It's cold as you face into the wind
Where'd it go to? tonight the sun shall see its light

So what if you catch me,
Where would we land?
In somebody's life
For taking his hands
Sing to me hope as she's
Thrown on the sand
All of your work
Is rated again
Where to go ?

And you were somehow the ran thing could allow
But it's all wrong
You're so strong
And this life and work
And choice took far too long
Where'd it go? tonight the sun shall see its light

So what if you catch me,
Where would we land?
In somebody's life
For taking his hands
Sing to me hope as she's
Thrown on the sand
All of our work
Is rated again

When I was sure you'd follow through
My world was turned to blue so thin
When you'd hide your songs would die
So I'd hide yours with mine
And all my words were bound to fail
I know you won't fail
See, I can tell

An interesting weekend, to say the least. Had an eight hour day of shooting on Sunday, which was tedious, but a lot of fun once everyone decided to get the fuck up and get their asses down to the coffee shop. There are times when being a director is a pain in the ass. Glad not to be George Lucas though, at least I don't have to deal with actors that double up as drug addicts.... and I'm not yet being punished for my later day sins either.

Looks like I'm done with boys entirely for awhile. No one's interested, least of all me. Not that I mind too much. I mean, yes, there are times when I miss it. But I feel very unattached and free right now. No one to stay in this town for. I can leave quite happily in two months when I finally graduate. Two months more, that's all. And then?.... Quien sabe.....

*sigh* Simon and Garfunkel (sp?) are awesome.

Hope your day is as sunny as mine is.

A tad sleepy again, I stayed up late writing a letter to a friend of mine. Drama was crazy yesterday. I don't think anyone knows act II very well at all, it seemed like every thirty seconds someone was calling "Line!" The stage managers were about ready to kill all of us.

It's noisy in this room today. One of the english classes is watching a movie. I was considering watching it with them, but it's an older Tom Cruise war movie, so I thought better of it and decided to write instead.

I don' t know if it does anything, writing during my study hall, but its more interesting than reading the biology book, and it helps me focus on something. Something's better than nothing I suppose. I was watching a movie in the video room, but Gephart kicked me out.... bastard. I wasn't really bothering anyone, what does it matter if I just randomly skip study hall to watch a movie. I'm a film student. It's educational...... (doesn't matter if it's bullshit, it's a good excuse).

Heading out, Tom Cruise just called someone an asshole while drunk, and for some odd reason I find this amusing.

Have a nice day Dustav ;)

I'm perfecting the art, as a matter of fact. The last two periods of my day have been spent doing nothing. And it feels nice, a tad boring at times, but that's why I have music and a damned good pair of headphones.

There are many things I could be doing... I'm just not doing them. I could be drafting a letter to James, but he doesn't want to hear from me. I could be writing poetry, but I still miss Derek too much to write anything good. I could be doing AP Biology, but there's no room on this desk for anything but a ruddy keyboard. I could be doing my senior project, but no one is free this period, and I wouldn't know what to film to be perfectly honest.

I suppose writing something, however pointless, is productive.

I'm fiendishly glad that I didn't take a regular English class this year. The one I'm watching now is so boring. Online English is far more suited to my procrastination and lazyness based needs.

Ugh.... boredom

Had a rough weekend. Bad conversation on Friday... and another friendship shot to shit. My fault again. But at least I can still write, my hand isn't broken, and I can still skip class to listen to music. And I've got my movie to finish, which will consume loads of my time, but make me feel better in its own masochistic way.

Took hours to get all of my actors in the right place, and we were still missing two of them. Tried to get everyone to the coffee shop at noon and they all showed up at one. So I got to sit at the counter for an hour drinking a single cup of regular coffee (I couldn't afford anything else), which I drank black, because my parents want me to watch what I eat. I might have diabetes, and I am most definitely hypoglycemic. So I have to eat more frequently than everyone else, diabetes in my family is associated with obesity, I could easily develop an obesity problem though I am not currently obese etc. So... black coffee.

And when they finally showed up my main character said she had to go see her grandmother, which would have been useful to me the day before, but now I'm left with a supporting cast and naught else. Raaaar.

I did get a lot of useful character work done. But it was still distinctly upsetting not to have anything to show for an entire day of work on my senior project. It had better be damned good when I'm done with it.

I also happen to like black coffee.

A silly boy who left me at his prom last year asked me today why I wasn't the same girl who kissed him at a party last year.

Herm... could possibly that I don't fancy immature gits, but I felt that might be harsh.

Feel like a bit of a hypocrite though, evidently I fancy slightly more mature catholic gits. So who am I to be mean to a fellow git?

More intelligent conversation later, I promise.

Just applied to two colleges. I feel so very productive.

Diana just found a phantom vocalist better than Sarah Brightman. Yay!

Not going to speak in detailed paragraphs today, I'm far too productive.

Think now I'm going to go fill out scholarship bullshit.... eh...

So I went with Dustin to this prayer group thing this morning before homeroom. I've only gone once before, and that was the day that the prayer group started. I've managed to go from hopeful and optimistic to annoyed in two meetings.

*sigh*

Some things never change.

I think I may be done with conventional Christianity. It's ridiculous the way people are always excluded, and the same thing follows with most of the neo-pagan religions too. Why can't people respect other people for their views. I don't think Christians are all bad people. I don't think that people who have faith are naive. I just accept that they think differently than me. The same follows for neo-pagans (though I think I may identify with their views more).

Transcendentalist to the core....

Fuck Bellefonte. Fuck this place.

I just want to go home. Everyone's depressed, and all of my friends seem to want solace in others.

On the bright side, (which there nearly always is), the rose Jessica gave me was absolutely beautiful. I will treasure it always.

Yesterday's meet sucked, and I totally fucked up the 100 hundred back. I still maintain, however, that it was not my fault. I couldn't have done any better, given the fact that I hadn't actually swum (sp?) backstroke in over a year.

fucking coaches.

I spent the entire bus ride home beating myself up every time I'd think about Derek. I don't think it did anything but make me sad about the whole ordeal. And I kept looking up at Brendan as if to cry "SAVE ME! PLEASE!"

But he was talking to the other captains for the entire hour and a half of bus ride, so I got to wallow in self pity for the evening.

*slaps self*

strong feelings indicate that Christmas this year.. may indeed suck

scratch to good day idea... Coder just walked into my video class.

.....oh gag me....

I gave James a cookie last night. And spent the next few hours hating myself again. I hate that. I think I'm a victim of living in this world of morals that are designed to cause everyone pain. Perhaps Jealousy, and not women, is the root of all evil. It just creates more and more evil as it changes. It's like a cancerous enzyme...

Well, perhaps not.

Winter solstice was yesterday. I'd almost forgotten about it, and then suddenly, while reading, I remembered, and I went and told everyone on the livejournal community that they should enjoy what few hours they have left.

Glad I remembered.

I had something really important to post. I just can't remember, for the life of me what it is....

wait for it...

wait for it...

wait for it...

hmmm.....

Oh yes. Had an odd dream last night. Derek and I were sitting in the front row of the Bellefonte Court House. He wasn't really sitting, because he didn't have an ass. He had been amputated from the shoulders down. So his shoulders were all bandaged and he balanced himself by leaning on the back of the seat.

The prosecution attorney, which just happened to be Horton from ITS, kept asking him all of these questions. And when Derek would answer, he'd fall on his face, not being able to balance on just his shoulders. So I pick him back up over and over again, until finally I just picked him up and put him on my lap so I can hold him upright.

Just then, his girlfriend runs out of the Judge's office screaming "dnknekjeiolrjelrj" I can't recal her exact words. So I yelled "FINE!" and threw Derek's head at her.

And then I woke up.

I feel so very strange today. But I think it's going to be a good day.

Wish I had the will power that Erin has. She walked in today in her letter jacket showing concern for my pitiful well-being.

Honey, don't bother.

Feel terrible, but hoping to get the work I need to get done today. Must get work done today. It is imperitive that I don't fuck up this year.

Having said that, don't know how well my paper will be. But I'll try to have the damned thing done.

Pshaw... hate hate hate hate hate my diability of procrastination.

Sheesh...

I am so glad that I can write during school. The relief is incredible. Not only that, but I can write without fear of anyone seeing it, because other than vague mention. No one knows about my blog on this site.

That being said, I had an interesting weekend. Almost gave myself to someone who only cares about me because... well, for a stupid reason. Did not, by the way. Went to Jenny's party and got to really talk to Peter, which was awesome, because he's such a great guy. Really. I talked to Kayla over e-mail, and am hoping to reply to another one this evening when I get home.

I hate the school for blocking writing.com... what kind of a school blocks writing.com???

There are some things in this world that I will never understand.

Like Brendan sending me a two paragraph apology for being an ass at the snoball. The snoball was roughly two weeks ago, and he sent me the apology last night. Top line reading "dearest briana"... WTF mate?

*sigh* It'll turn up. It always does.

yes... oh yes... am very tired.

Got to go and watch my grandfather die last night. I don't think I've ever had a family gathering quite like it. I've been icky all day. I think I made myself sick. My eyes hurt really bad and they burn like you wouldn't believe.

ON the bright side though... I'm wearing a really comfortable sweater.

Glad that I finally found a blog. It took awhile. Online diary is blocked, and livejournal's been blocked for years. Didn't really get pissed until I found out they blocked writing.com.

But our civilization shall endure.

Woot Woot.

I have an AP government debate today. It's going to kick ass.. Erin and I were supposed to oppose gay marriage. We wanted to do a really good job, but couldn't really find any good arguments opposing gay marriage specifically that didn't have anything to do with religion, so we decided to go for another angle, and abolish marriage completely.

Muahahahaha... Almost cheating.. but not quite.

*sigh* the poor people on the other side. They're in for quite a surprise. *cackles maniacally*

Wow though. You should have seen the debate yesterday. It got real ugly real quick. Their topic was abortion, and they were mean. The pro-choice side pwned Pwned ultimately.

Great job guys! Way to be!

Should probably do a little bit more work for the debate, just in case. Erin isn't here to help me, so it's up to me to find those court cases and fill her in, during the five minute lull we have before class begins. Good luck to both of us.

So far I've done quite a bit of research, but need to do more. All I've done for the past two hours is sit in the nurse's office blowing my nose, drinking tea, looking through yearbooks... and then I came back up here and read Derek's online journal... again... that he hasn't updated since....

In a really long time..

Ye gods, I do miss him. And I wish that God (mother? maiden? crone?)

would help me find a way to have him back...

I refuse to think on this in a purely negative manner. I miss him because I love him. I want him back because I love him. I won't let this drive me mad, or into a rage.

The energy you put out into the world comes back to you.

"If I beheld the sun when it shined, or the moon walking in brightness; and my heart hath been secretly enticed, or my mouth hath kissed my hand: this also were an iniquity to be punished by the judge: for I should have denied the God that is above."    -Job, XXXIII, 27-8