My qualms with those existing in society today has nothing to do with a past experience of my own conflicting with my present, but rather I feel out of place and largely outnumbered by people of ridiculously low intellect and self-indulgent lifestyles.

 A large reason for my distaste in mainstream society is the ignorance with which almost all modern Americans take media in with. Though intelligent programming is available on television and the radio, most prefer the monotony of laughing at people of less intelligence than themselves. When pop culture isn’t mocking someone for cheap laughs and high ratings, it’s exemplifying sex and garnering attention for its ‘edginess’. This doesn’t bother me personally, as it’s easy to find content of higher intellect, but the mainstream choice is rarely that of my own, thus creating a barrier between myself and them.

Another gap that separates me from most is the way in which people call attention to themselves. Although the phrase “the squeaky wheel gets the oil” is ages old, it still stands true today. A useful opinion spoken softly can easily be dissuaded by an idiot yelling. The main voice is always that of the group of people standing in a group shouting, as the quiet voice of a well thought out response is casually ignored. Society turns a deaf ear to anyone who isn’t boisterous and energetic, preferring morons like Carlos Mencia who says ridiculous things, but at a high volume, and are praised for it.

One personality trait that stands out in many people today is the desire to be accepted, not matter what they have to do to obtain it. If people used this to better themselves for the sake of others, there would be no reason to fret, because it would perpetuate greatness. Sadly, this is not the case, as people use the motivation to change to themselves not for the better, but for the slender view society has set aside for what is currently ‘in’. Perhaps even worse are the constantly changing fads and trends that force those who wish to remain up to date to change constantly, and in doing so, lose a unique personality of their own.

This article isn’t written at anyone directly, nor is it meant to offend anyone who feels it applies to them. It’s an answer to a common question I receive over why I dislike people so much, and I thought that putting it in the newspaper might save me some time. It’d also be nice if it incited some change, though I doubt it will. My qualms with those existing in society today has nothing to do with a past experience of my own conflicting with my present, but rather I feel out of place and largely outnumbered by people of ridiculously low intellect and self-indulgent lifestyles.

 A large reason for my distaste in mainstream society is the ignorance with which almost all modern Americans take media in with. Though intelligent programming is available on television and the radio, most prefer the monotony of laughing at people of less intelligence than themselves. When pop culture isn’t mocking someone for cheap laughs and high ratings, it’s exemplifying sex and garnering attention for its ‘edginess’. This doesn’t bother me personally, as it’s easy to find content of higher intellect, but the mainstream choice is rarely that of my own, thus creating a barrier between myself and them.

Another gap that separates me from most is the way in which people call attention to themselves. Although the phrase “the squeaky wheel gets the oil” is ages old, it still stands true today. A useful opinion spoken softly can easily be dissuaded by an idiot yelling. The main voice is always that of the group of people standing in a group shouting, as the quiet voice of a well thought out response is casually ignored. Society turns a deaf ear to anyone who isn’t boisterous and energetic, preferring morons like Carlos Mencia who says ridiculous things, but at a high volume, and are praised for it.

One personality trait that stands out in many people today is the desire to be accepted, not matter what they have to do to obtain it. If people used this to better themselves for the sake of others, there would be no reason to fret, because it would perpetuate greatness. Sadly, this is not the case, as people use the motivation to change to themselves not for the better, but for the slender view society has set aside for what is currently ‘in’. Perhaps even worse are the constantly changing fads and trends that force those who wish to remain up to date to change constantly, and in doing so, lose a unique personality of their own.

This article isn’t written at anyone directly, nor is it meant to offend anyone who feels it applies to them. It’s an answer to a common question I receive over why I dislike people so much, and I thought that putting it in the newspaper might save me some time. It’d also be nice if it incited some change, though I doubt it will. I conclude with a quote from the great Socrates, “Nyl koor beta hi”.[Live your own life]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4npfR456bTY&search=modest%20mouse

http://www.smdepot.net/files.php

http://www.blueguitar.info/tabs/Tiny%20Cities%20Songbook.txt

1Z830E7V4244908175 track my upS!!

http://www2.lsb.state.ok.us/2005%2D06hb/hb1703%5Fint.rtf

http://www.zeromethos.com/modestmouselive/shows/5-29-98%20RKCNDY.html

http://planetemu.net/index.php?section=roms&dat=51

 I wonder when, the she will be,
my own to hold, in my own arms.
The passion fled, so long ago,
will death impede, and bring alarm?
So sure I hope, that this will not happen.
Bitte Gott, es ist nicht zehr gut.
I just want to make someone, not me;
happy, blissful, and worry free.
So hopeless I was, now hopeful I'm not,
but anticipation fills my veins.
As the pendelum swings, so my heart does see chances,
but alas, I choose to stay alone.
"Tarry not", say I to me, but I never listen,
holding onto, my past love and life.
I'll let go I supose, but I don't really know,
for taking another beauty, would be a lie.
For one I've had already, and I still have her heart,
but our bodies now infrequently meet.
I supose that my only chance to get through this,
is to find a new girl.
Take her, and love her, show you my soul.
Tell you you're beautiful, that you mean the world.
Let it all flow, the tears and the blood.
Make rash decisions, choices like mud.
No right or wrong, but always a smile.

so yep, I have a place to stay for some time. Sorry to you B, for who ever that was towards. Sounds a bit painful. Get through it, you're awsome.

So today I ate.

Which is something I didn't get to do yesterday.

Which makes me happy.

Yep. Swick's pizza. I didn't even pay.

Here I sit,
beside the empty seat,
where you used to sit,
but you never sat.
Where you should now sit,
in times of my hearts trouble.
Though not your fault,
you hate is now a salt,
burning the open wounds of my soul.
Good God, You're gone.
I seem to realize this,
for the first time,
several times each day.
I hang my head and wonder,
when will this all end?
What's left to do?
Wake up and walk,
from the desolate trail of my life.
A ride in a car,
to a not-so-far town,
with no freinds or family.

Would the means meet the end,
or would it hurt ever worse?
To let go of my life and be dissatisfied,
but not hurt.

Oh how I wish.

as he sits beside me, jc. those cards are annoying. Sppslso..ssss. I hate that noise. Ah. We're going to pick up ol' no worth today at lunch. And Greg doen'st have a girlfriend. He has 10.  He gets all the girls by playing crazy 8's. Hes crazy cool at that game, yo. Wicki-wicki-wack yo ass crack. yo. Dogg. G. Home-sickle. Fo Shizzle My Nipple. Greg leaves. And takes a pen. And he walks really funny. Candle didn't bring the recipe as planned. All is fine though. Love rebounding in her eyes. Argh. I think that I'm going to have a really really boring day. Time for some journal updates. I think. I'm going to go buy some food.

405-624-2165....last post

yeah, I know, everyone else is already out, but this is my second to last entry.....or, I have one more after this, however you phrase that. Phone number again is 405-624-2165....don't wanna loose track of my reader. Yeah. Reader. I had fun here at onablog. Nice community. I'll be back in the fall. Or sooner. Either way, it'll be a whille.

So, yesterday wasn't awful. It wasn't great, but it was overall just perfectly causual in everyway. I had a headache, that made things go slower, but things happen. Got a ride home from dell, who is now 98.2 percent openly gay. Yeah, I didn't get it either. Candle had practice of some sort, for band or what-not, but katie's behaving. Haha. Behaving.....now and then I lose my dignity.

"don't say that chris!, pussy-willows, such a strange word" -or something like that.....

Um...sorry this is short (thats what she said, yes yes, I know)but I have to go. I might update some in second hour....call me.

...I took apart my bed, and managed to distribute the pieces around my house in inconspicuous places. My new pallet though has one sheet that smells funny, so I have more laundry to do today. Sigh. Some random people are sitting in my spot today in computer class. The first one. Chad tried to call last night, but i had to sleep. Trouble brewing with meine freunde....all will be well though, I'm a pacafist. So, I assume my last post was not wasted...very well, very well. Thunder and what-not today, some poeple compaining about scary and the sort.

...ahh.....Oh well, he still calls everynight, sort of creepy. Except not. Anyway, the weekend went like this. Saturday, layed around,....for along time, then Josh showed up at my house. That was cool. Major props. Anyway, home-sickle, after my home-G left, I just chilled by myself while keeping it casual enough to catch a couple phone calls, and then.....time passes. Journal entries. El no-worth (ie: sister) shows up and she talks forever, then ends up sleeping in my bed. Yeah, it sounds weird, but I sleep in the floor all the time. Speaking of which, I'm disasembling my bed today and going to put it somewhere that isn't my room.
      That was saturday. Sunday went like this. Get to church, decent mood. Feelings bashed by Sunday School Teacher and Ex-Girlfreind. Dwayne gets depressed, and since theres no paper, poors my emotions onto my skin. Coat myself in lyrics from songs, or even just random outcry's from my heart. I am pulled into church, but its alright, I go ahead and leave about 1/4 of the way through. I head to El Mexicano's house, who is actually not that bad of a freind/person. So jake comes and picks me up, which is where my day turns up. I do assorted things with him, defend a girl on a bridge who hates me, but its a nice good bye present. My signature is better than Jakes, but I think his came out better than mine sunday.
      So, then I come back to church for youth, and katie jumps me again, this time, ashley and wyatt pull me aside to sit by them, as it was obvious I was going to be by myself. Its nice to see some people catch you when someone else thows you down. Discussion and the what-not in youth, I make some comments on a question, and Katie jumps at me again with "why are you being so pesimistic".......I in return asked her if It was not my answer that was pesimistic, or in turn her interpretation....then both of the grown ups in the room agreed with both my observation and my answer. Being right wasn't even what it was about, just the fact, that some people need to learn to respect knowledge, and don't jump someone if you can't see the bottom yourself.
       Wyatt gave me a ride to Candles, candle was upset, the whole time. I couldn't get her to tell me, I don't mind, She'll be happy if I have anything to say about it. I wrote her a 4 page journal entry, expressing how I think she feels, and I'm pretty sure I'm right. The few words she spoke to me about what was troubling her were wrods that have circled around inside my head more times than countable. She's strong, she'll get through it, but not alone. 
     "My belt holds my pants up, but my belt loops hold up my belt, so who's the real hero?"
-classic mitch.....

thats a weird title. Anyway, I went and saw star wars III, revenge of the clones, or something stupid name wise. It was a semi-enjoyable time, my girlie on my left and 2 of the 3 open seats in the theater right next to me. Balcony. Well, not really balcony. Just the top row in stadium seating. I understood a lot more of the movie than I thought I would, and I enjoyed scaring the little kids down the isle. Yeah. I have a 4 page website I have to put together using 'CSS' or what not and I've had 4 and a 9 weeks to do it....so, yeah, I'd better start that.

 Yeah, I finished a 4 page website over the fall of the Berlin wall in less than an hour, complete with CSS and pictures. Man I'm good. Went to lunch, ate no lunch. Thats always really disapointing. Candle says she'll try to come over sunday. Thats sort of a weird day, but anyday's a good day for me. i love you candle. Chad, when you get back, your coming over, Jake's xanga was werid. I have no idea who's so pissed off at him, or he's pissed off at. Only person I'm mad at right now is.....well, no one. Oh well. Skipping the last half of german right now, but its ok, I have permission. I need to find a dollar. Good bye.

Ok, at least my dad finally sees that my grades don't matter to me, he didn't even get mad when I got a D in world history, in fact, I was suprised, highly. He just got this letter from the school, signed it and put it where my lunch money goes every day and didn't mention it. Thats cool. I watched G4Tv yesterday for 50 minutes. Maybe I'm an adict, but I'm quitting. I need that spray paint. Going to see the big star wars movie or what not today. Candle's coming. ...yep, that the random picture for today. Um.. I really want ot put my heart into the computer, but it would screw up the CD drive. No lunch money today, sigh, all going towards that star wars movie. Why am I even going? I hanv't seen but bits and pieces of the previous ones. Oh well, I've already decided. Buy the moon and antarctica, it will be well worth your money. 
     If you could be anything you wanted, I bet you would be dissapointed, am I right?
I have 6 reports to type. I'm going to do 3. Then I'll be back. Or not. I love blogging.

Candle is not here. I think I'm going to cry. Why does she choose the absolute most inconvient days to just not show up? The day shes suposed to see star wars. Come over. And see the CD I made her. I said I'd never make her another CD, because she never shows up when I do, I didn't even realize that. Wow. This sucks. I miss you candle, and I hope you read this. If your candle and read this, post on xanga.

now for a cheap laugh.

For centuries, Hindu women have worn a red spot on their foreheads. We Americans have naively thought it had something to do with their religion.

The true story has just been revealed by the Indian Embassy in Washington.

When one of these women gets married, her new husband scratches off the red spot to see if he has won a convenience store, a gas station, or a motel..

...ahahha, how true, how true.

Wow, yesterday was zher interesting. How long was it chad? 30 minutes? Ok, to those who don't know, I was talking on the phone to chad, and I was like, hey, I'll 3 way candle. Well I switched over to the other line, and on my phone you can go through caller-id while your on the line, but you can't just dial numbers off of it. So I pressed in what I thought candle's number was, realized it was wrong, but flashed over anyway. This is the wrong number I told chad. What, he said, but then the other line answered. I was like, is candle there"

"no"
"sorry, wrong number"
"who is this"
"don't worry about it"
"is this dustan?"
[insert long conversation here]

turns out Casandra as fate might have it, goes to OSU, enjoys ironing, and will buy my spray paint. She weighs 105 pounds and is 5 foot tall. One day next fall she promised us a ride in an airplane. Lets pray we don't die. In other news.....

I had to watch American Idol for sarah last night. Then I watched G4@E3 live. Ha, thats not an email adresse silly auto formater. Stupid autoformater.....its just ignorant. Decoy spouses, negate the frequency! Duck and Roll!

done for now.

I slept well for the first time in a while, possible because I ate a lot, possibly because I stretched alot before laying down, but I'm pretty sure the real reason is because I got a call from Candle that ended with "I love you, good night".....Ahh.....

Random thought, my father, Whom chad knows had diabetes. Well we were coming to school today and he was talking about laying some carpet for this sorority and such and was like, If I'm lucky, therer will. still be some girls around. Then laughed. ....ahh......

I have come up with 2 reasons which I believe neither of about why I got rid of all my stuff, it could be either.

1)I broke up with katie, and since I'm starting new, I want to start new with my life. Change everything that I have.....

or

2)Because I haven't worked for anything I have, except my computer, and don't really feel like I diserve it.

I think the real reason was just to try it and see if I could. I can. And I sort of enjoy it. Really enjoy it. Too bad I can't get  rid of my door. Oh well, all good things must come to an end at one point or another. Aspiretobe....we're going to meet this summer. I don't know how yet, but we are. I can feel it.  Maybe chad will be living with me at the time, but I won't get my hopes that far up. I think I'm about done for now. Thanks for listening.

7 entries left.

405-624-2165

....etc....

 Yeah! oh wait. Thats not what blogs are for. So why are there ad only blogs? I have no idea, but they piss me off. I should be updating onablog aproxamitely 8 more times. After that I'm done. 8 more chances to get my number. So this weekend I walked across stillwater from my house to candle's. Don't know the distance, more than 2 miles, less than 10. Something in there. Saw candle. Went to churhc. Everyone there yells at me and the like, I'm not going to be going there out of my own will anymore, but if I'm invited I'll go gladly. Relay for life [next month], 10. That will be sort of fun. I need donations, for relay for life. I'm not asking anyone directly. I'm just stating that I'm suposed to be fundraiseing right now.

Modest Mouse is awesome. Photoshop CS ($649.99), macromedia studio MX,(random note, on all leading store sites, its about 900-999 dollars, but on the macromedia site you can get it for 99) Ulead gif animator(cheapest, only 45 dollars), all great programs. Wish I could afford those, my first choice is going to be Macromedia, if its still onlyl  99. Whoompa. The substitute is writing on the board. So I might have work to do. Candle is beautiful, tell her that. Tell katie as well. Tell Amie though, that she's fat. I'm wearing one christmas sock today.

cheese is christ.

e.tc.

Chad, you are coming to the cancer run. only thing rememberable about my dream is i was watching a play with bryson.  Ok, father got mad and took my computer away for the day yesterday, so I in turn am getting rid of everything I own that ins't neccesary. I plan to keep 4 pairs of pants, 4 shirts, and my bed. My main goal in my room will be art. Poety. Drawing. The likes. Pretty sure the compy's going out to Candle, my keyboard towards katie. Piano keyboard. Thats would be mean to give candle a computer without a keyboard. I might get these things back eventually, but for now, I'm tired of them. Or something. Plus, I'm gonna be a bitch, and my dad will have nothing to ground me from. I threw away about 2/3 of everything I own already......that was annoying. 2 garbage cans (the one's outside) just full of my crap. Hoorah. I won't be updating onablog this summer. I'll post my number at the end of each of my last entries though. 

405-624-2165

...yeah....

random thought, remember that time I went to a drive in movie with you? --to chad-- finding nemo

Strange post title, aspire to be. Argh. I need to get in touch with you, becuase we're seriously going to hang out some time. In other news, I'm tired. I just can't sleep that well anymore, mostly because I have things to think about again. I've also found I'm addicted to people saying I love you good night. Like, I don't sleep if I don't hear it. Its sort of sad and childish, but its me and thats all there is too it.

    You know what I like more about candle than I did about Katie? I'm one of Candle's priorities. Like, she cares how I feel and what I'm doing during the week. Its nice. I think that should be included in love.

    Chad....still coming to the relay for life, right?  Yes, I am right. Um, I have no idea what to post, I left a big one yesterday, and didn't do any work, so I'm way behind. I'll catch you later...

--insert--I need a kiss--insert--

last night, I was like, almost asleep, and just thinking about everything that had happened that day, then It was like, all of a sudden, just fear. All over my body. The best way I can describe it is like when ever I sometimes leave my cell phone on silent and in my bed then when I hear it waking up or it buzzes against me. But it lasted. I tried to stay there. I thought I was just surprised by something. I still don't know what it was. If someone I love was hurt........what will I do? I don't know. I didn't get back to sleep until I took some of that weird medicine that helps, but even then I fell asleep with fear....not a good night. I woke to the same feeling about 5 this morning. It wasn't as panic-ed as the first time, but It was the same buzz.....wake UP! feeling....I hope to find out what all this means.

My in depth guide to people  I love. I started this on xanga, but I have an hour and a half to do nothing but type. So this is it. There are 6 people in total. 2 girls. This isn't a frivolous thing, this is my heart.

*holds bloody heart in hand*

Now that thats done. I'll start with my new girlfriend. (oo...through that in psuedo cool style)

1)Candle. Why do I love her? Well. I remember. On the first day of school. She was the first one to talk to me. Thats always nice. Well, she wrote me notes back and forth in English class. This doensn't hvae to do with what the notes said, it was the fact that she saw me for who I was immediately and liked me. As a freind. She's told me things will get better and they have, I trust her now. And with my trust comes love.

2)Katie. The new ex. The first love. Still my best freind. My first kiss. My first.....alot of things. No. We never had sex. We had fun. I want to have more fun this summer. Your my little sister now. I still love you.

--past the girls--

3)Chad--probably the only one reading this, but I don't care--<<then again, I'll probably send my xanga over here for the day>>--I don't know any one more like me. In the way you think, the way you laugh at stuff thats not funny. A younger ry. I see myself in you, and you see yourself in me. Its sort of creepy, but makes for great weekends. lol. I lvoe Haeth. The playground in the forest. You talk to me on the phone, and neither of us finds it creepy. forever love.

4)Jake--possibly might be the second to read this--Your awesome. Took me up as a lowerclassmen and looked away from the fact that I mock almost everyone you hung around. We have had fun. We have had trouble. Its cool though, cas I'm ashton kutcher, I'M AWESOME! College was fun, but way to cliched, I'm going to spend the night sometime soon with you. I promise. Cas i need to. No, I'm going to make you spend the night with me. Now hows that for interesting. Negate the frequency, creepy means nothing to me.

5)Josh--best freind ever--we made a movie. We talked about girls. I stayed at your house when my mom hated me. Thanks dude. We wrestled. We laughed. We never cried. It was great. Catch you this summer, and know that I love you just as much as anyone else on this list.

6)Old man--aka--ry--*insert first bell here and huge sigh as I konw I have a lot of typing left*--your the only intellectual besides myself that perry has ever produced. Ever. In its history. You get Jimmy carr, I can't emphasize that enough...I've laughed at more I'd like to _____ her ______ jokes with you than anyone I know. Jacob too. I don't know him though. Thats just an excuse actually. I also loved that you're funny without trying to be. Just by being old....wow. Dude. Already made some plans......

Ok, that was in no particular order. Just the order that I typed them. You can copy and paste them into a different order if you'd like........I don't care, it doesn't mean anything any way. I'll post this now and start editing, so that chad can read this.

Argh. I got caught up in neopets. Let me type for you my assingment for today. Letter 61-63 and memo 8.

lession 101 and 102, timing practice.

Print 85b 93b 98b and reports 80-100. Hmm. I don't konw what any of that means....I have some of 80 done. Laughs.....I don't have anything on my mind.

Because my hair's still wet right now. And they make you clean. This was much more important than my other news, which I'm sure you didn't catch on my xanga yet....or did. Katie and I have decided to stay apart for about 5-7 weeks. It was going to be 6-8, but I read my calender wrong, and was a week behind or something of that nature. Anyway, this is to see if the love that we've both felt so strongly is still there. Sort of like marraige conseling, except if we decide that its not there....either or both of us....then we just won't start going back out again. Thats the kicker. Well its day 1. I miss her. But not as badly as I expected myself. Whch would mean I would be in tears right now. Obviously I'm not, but I want to go buy some donuts. Hope you have an interesting post today.

Argh. Google is blocked at my school now as well. Under what category? Tech and Hacking of course.

I'll update this during class.

your heart, felt good, it was drippin' pitch and made of wood.

from third planet....I'm not much motivated. To post much. I talked to candle for a total of like 1:30 this weekend, and I thought there would be more. Then chad didn't come to church, for reasons unknown. I almost lost my girlfrend, but I downloaded Jimmy Carr. It was a weekend. Thats all that can be said about it. I don't know, off to neopets. Go to http://www.xanga.com/dustav if you care that much.

The universe is shaped exactly like the Earth, if you go straight far enough you'll end up where you were

I think that Candle is coming over today to work on our HTML project. mmmm.....Heath is stupid. I counter balencing my mind, and its suposed to be a subliminal process but I can feel it.....oh well...

we're heading down the road, to tiny cities made of ashes, I 'm gonna hit you on your face I'm gonna punch you in your glasses

Old man and I should meet sometime near the summer. Not like an invitation, I'm just saying its going to happen. Perry better....eh. never mind. I wish I was beautiful. What is beautiful? I have no idea anymore, because I always seem to be wrong.

took a long time to be the ass that I am, and I'm pretty sure that any one can, easily, easily, fuck you over.

I love the moon and antarctica. I'm listening to it. I have to do a 4 page website over the fall of Berlin by the end of the year, I havne't started, and I hope this isn't a problem. Piano lessons are probably about to be cut off because I don't practice like I'm suposed to . Oh well, there are worse things.

I might, disentigrate into dust, if you like. But I'm not, the dark center of the universe, like you thought.

thats right, there are a couple of poistive things about me, so get over it.

God is a woman and my mom is a witch

Sorry, just found another line that I thought was amusing. From lives. The moon and antarctica.

For the second time, some dude is trying to spam up onablog, he posted the same thing again, just to get his blog to the top spot on the list. Thats pathetic.

I went to candle's yesterday, if you don't know chad, that was her number I called from. I made her a CD last night with the fast mac redemption first, I hope she likes it. We played swords. No really, she had these two plastic things, wait, they wer'e like play swords, except I used the sword, and she just used the sheath thing csa she only had one. I messed up her toe. lol

I don't think I'm going to MORP. Candle and Chad must be informed. Katie won her first game at state. Thats cool, if they win state, its 7 years running. From the Police. Because Morrison is filled with drugs.

We played Bomberman listening to Preppy Pop music yesterday at lunch, and believe it or not, we got so caught up that we were late gettng back. How's that for irony. I have to take down the signature wall, that sucks.

BRB.

Yeah, I've stoped updating Bloglines, so now I'm down to xanga, onablog and bloghi. I need to blog more. Or ahhh....I want to start updating like crazy and post on all 3 everyday. Oh wait. I do. Lol. I have no life, partly because I'm emo.

I want to sleep, its taco de mayo for Cheese's sake. I'm done.

Done with all the work for today in first hour, so I'm updating more. I won two codestones on tambola today, I'm listening to the CD I made for candle, and wondering why its not for me....hmm. Candle has an uber-crap 20 dollar camera like me, but I couldn't talk her into a porn shoot. Just kidding. I talked her into it. hahaa. ? . What. no laughs. I'm not funny. Well we took a picture of her, because her mom wanted her to, and they're both computer illiterate, so I fixed it for them, but I was trying to make the story interesting. Sorry about that you guys.

Neopets is no fun without java. Can't wait till next hour. No school tommorow. Katies coming over, hopefully for a good part of the day. Worthless might make an appearance as well. I've heard about a ton of people say that they might be transferring to stillwater....can't you guys live without me? I don't want to be popular again. Lol. I was never popular, and I never will be. I walk to strangely. But I could start a cult in the blink of an eye. wow. I really am bored.

I love you Katie. Forever. Everytime. All the time. Forever.

Britney spears, everytime, "he's fucking me"

Um. I'm going to try to sleep while not looking to conspicuousls.s.

<no subject>

Ok, MORP this friday, I think is back on, and I'm going to try to get chad to come. Or you. If your chad that is. If you live in the oklahoma area, you're coming with me, to one of the only MORP dances held AFTER! prom. Really really strange. I already finished my work for today. My wall is awesome! Ok, I had Caleb come over bring me home and he had some guy who would buy paint for me, so yeah, I got 2 cans of blue, 1 can of red, and one of black. I finished everything except the left side of the V. that really sucks, and makes me wonder why I paint letters from right to left. Oh well. My dad....oh well. I finally asked him what he thought, and he was like, well, I thought you were going to do something more....(long pause).....tasteful. Ok, at least he's honest. He says it makes the house look cheap, but come on everyone, you know its art. I have to take down the other random graffiti in my room though. I'm going to fight to keep my signatures wall. He finally saw I had Katja on my wall under my bed. Oh, to clarify now, my Dustav is now blue backdrop, (dark blue), on top of a light blue wall. The letters and shadows are black, but the fill is red. or fire red according to the can, but that just means to me, 94 cent red. I don't care what type it is, but its awsome. Chad isn't allowed to come to my house as of right now. I'm sort of mad about that.

Dream last night was pretty creepy. Something about like my old house, and there was this new truck with a tv in the backseat. Pretty foggy. Don't remember it that much, I really havn't been dreaming much lately. I played truth or dare with katie on the phone last night, that was funny, and awkward. Think I might try again some time, but paint tastes bad. Um. I don't know what to come to MORP as, If anyone reads this, throw out a suggestion, the theme is 'famous couples', not as katie so often suggests, 'famous things that go together'. I want to be the wonder twins. That would be cool. Cowbows and indians, katie once suggested, I thought to myself, hmm that would'nt be bad, then I thought, wait, cowboys and indians killed each other and hated and stuff. Not couple'd. Ok. Um. I'm listenig to Lounge (closing theme). Don't get me wrong just regular lounge is good too, but sometimes you want to here someone say pornographer in a way confusable with poor geographer. I would like to steal your digits. Thats a good line.

I have a yu-gi-oh! song on my cd. Don't ask me why, I already have and didn't get an answer. I'm rather happy considerd to my normal outlook on life. Hey, I'm going to get my grades up, not becasue I feel a personal responsibility, not becuase my dad keeps making his constant threats, to prove katie wrong. If thats not motivation, I don' tknow what is. Um, I've been showering regularly, that sucks. My dad says I HAVE to clean my room today, I've been putting it off for like 2 and a half weeks now, I supose I must. My fish will die soon If I don't feed him. Come to my house and write your name on the wall, its cool, everyone's doing it. Break my computer too. that seems pretty popular.

Out of nowhere, into nowhere, the post is gone.

etc.

ok. I am pissed. I hit enter, tab, to get to a endent mark, but it went to far i thought, so i pressed backspace. Which meant, browser back button. So, my like 5 paragraph life is now beginning over.

Let me start, just as I did, by saying, I hope none of this offends anyone.

On a lighter note,  Old man got a girlfreind, and the day I found out I saw crazy bob for the first time, thats right, he's out again, I so want a picture. And theres this kid in my school who looks like Harry Potter, and Steven told me his name but I don't remember. Twylene is a gay lover, like, she likes gay people like shawn canny. I myself thinks she's japanese, but others tend to disaree.

Why I laugh when I hear about heath and ashleigh? Such an unlikely couple, Heath on Rebound from a 12 yr old and ashleigh from a post-graduate...come together out of nowhere. Like she was all in love with this other guy and going to wait it out, but then she suddenly jumped out of nowhere and was like, yeah, me and heath are going to start dating. I think this surprised us all, and as most people do when surprised, I laughed. Oh but its still funny, just because of the random lousy-ness of Heath. He made threats to like 3 people and typo-ed the crap out of everyone of his comments. Not to mention his xanga that he created for you, although he had created an old one for his old girlfreind too, but he was past that. Alas heath is just generally laughable. It's by far not ashleigh that we're not laughing at, and she's not a whore. Just thought I'd stand up for a good freind there.

I have to type tables and letters, ciao.

wait. I never end with crap like that. Here, I'll try again.

Um, I'm done for now, I supose you guys will have to deal with it,

...etc....

2:46, 3rd planet

or something

Ok. Start with last nights dream. Me and katie are running from something or another, or to something, I don't remember being afraid, so we're going down this ravine thing. Ok, this is the first normal starting dream in a while. So then we want to cross the river, but theres these guys who are like, you have to jumprope some odd times to get across, and I'm like, oh well, I'm good at jumproping. So then they bring out double dutch, and its nothing to me, but when I start jumping, every time I hit the ground, these big letter blocks pop out of the ground, and I'm thinking, eventually, ones going to pop up under me, because they were coming from the outside in so far, so I dash out and across the river, and katies left behind, I guess. Sort of vauge there. So I get to the hotel, (!?) across the river and the girl theres like, I know what you came for, and she takes me in this shower convienintly IN THE HALL! and no, it wasn't the girl of my dream from last night chad. the night before that is. Its just some obscure girl. But we're in the shower and she's like, we won't have room in here, and I'm thinking, I have a girlfrind, but I don't stop her any way, so as we creep through chub and alices room, you know those people who drive my church van. Yeah, now theyr'e rooms in a hotel of some sort. And she's like, no we'll get caught, and I'm definitely starting to second geuss this now, but she pulls me into this huge walk in closet, and I'm like. Ok. And she's like, so....and she pulls a checkers board from one of the shelves above us, and I'm like, man. That was stupid.So I walk into the adjoining bathroom and leave. Then I wake up because I hear laughter from my Mitch Hedberg track which has been playing all night and just now got through to me.

I went over the gold with black and did shadowing, I'm debating whether to cover the gold completely or just leave it showing through for added effect. Fathers stupid sometimes. My hair smelled funny today. Geez, I don't even think its my hair, but it has to be, cas I smelled it in the shower. Katies coming over today. For a long time. Yeah.

She was going with a cinematographer 
Everyone knew that he was really a pornographer 
They went down to the dance and grind 
And everybody was feeling fine 

She was talking with syllable lisp 
And everybody she knew was gonna get the twist 
And they all went down and did the porqupine 
And everybody was feeling high
 
You are so hot 
I would like to steal your digits 
And I'm so hung up on it 
I would like to 
Move away from it 

We are so caught up with things 
We should pull eachother's triggers 
And I'm off
 
She was going with a cinematographer 
Everyone knew that he was really a pornographer 
They went down to the dance and grind 
And everybody was feeling fine
 
She was talking with syllable lisp 
And everybody she knew was gonna get the twist 
And they all went down and did the porqupine 
And everybody was feeling high 

I've got a girlfriend out of the city 
I know I like her, I think she is pretty (X4) 
Last call! 
It's closing time 
I'm on the road to god don't know 
My brain's the burger and my heart's the charcoal 
It's closing time

The new lounge, and one of my favorites, of the two. Oh yeah. Got a lot of work to do. Talk to me, don't get mad at me for it, your the one not saying anything.

those are the pictures of my wall. to give you an idea, the thing towards the bottoim right is my lava liamp, the thing towards the the left and certer is an arosol can and the object below the heart is a fan.

dear chad. the playground is stilll standing, but I can't seem to find charle any where. If this means anything to you, good.

I continue to cover my hicky, or love mark or remorse as I call it. Um. I have to type a 1 and a half page report over teh fall of rome before 4th hour. Hoo-ah. Something about comparing it to Current day U.S. Candle left, she'll be back on Monday. Katie's districts are today. I'm probably going. Oh well, she won't care either way if I'm there or not, but I'm going to show her I care. Or something. Aspire to be seems to be missing in action recently .  Oh well, yell wehn you get on.

All for now.

Or no! I have a couple of extra lessons that I should be typing but I'm not going to, I finished my Essay comparing Rome and Current Day US. thats convienet. The coolest, and sort of scary thing happened yester dya. Ok, so to get onto my bed, you can walk around my wall of entertainment, ro you can step over my cmoputer moniter, an oler one, you kno wiwth all the whole and stuff in the back. So I go and I take a step over it and I'm on the phone and holding a bowl of cereal, so I of course spill milk on it, no let me rephrase, IN IT!. ok , so my moniter won't come on, that sucks. the cereals still good, but katies all being stupid so I'm just like, yeah, I'm going to go. So I'm laying htere, and my Moniter's like....busubsubus....the osund it makes when it comes on so I'm like, awseome.

(starst new paragraph for no reason) So i turn my computer which I have abused with words for the last 5 mintues back on, and sure enough its fixed. At least some one came back. Any way, I think, everythings back to normanl, but wait, the entire left half of my screen is like tented black. Not like you couldn't see it, just like there was a shadow on it the whole time. It was the coolest thing ever, reminded me of candle and how she put the thing about the light side and the dark side. Then like 5 minutes later it made a pzt sound and about 1/4 of it came back, so I was left with just a glimmer of dark, then shortly after the last part of my wonderous dream faded and I was stuck with a regular crappy, working, moniter. Oh well.

Um. If you want to be mean to me, theres a chance I'll hang up (if I'm on the phone) or just stop talking to you. You know what makes me mad? Frau ford, shes always trying to act like I'm doing something abd when in fact I'm doing htings perfects in my rights, which I must admit, most people seem to feel, are substantially lower than most other human beings, and even some animals. Leave me alone, I'm tired of being singled out. At least for a week or two, cas I've had enough.

Well, I put some extra lines on my wall since the pictures I posted. Isometric looking now, good thing? I don't konw, I need some blue spray paint. I'm gonna leave now. I think. I don't know.

you know the ones that people post as blogs, like the one right below this. Agh. Its so stupid, as if more than 300 people will ever read that....he'd be doing better off to go outside and yell at traffic for what, 15 minutes, and get 300 people to hear him. Oh well.

Katie and I finished discussing MORP. I think. She picked mario and the princess. Greg just came in, he says if I come to MORP as hitler, he'll come. Tough descision. I have a hicky on my neck and its the hardest thing to hide from my dad. When ever I see him, I have to notice something to the left. Pretty weird. I need some make-up or something, I didn't even want this hicky, ahahahggg. Princess daisy is hard to find pictures of. Lots of work to do.

etc.

Ok, this weekend, sort of sucked. The good part was Saturday. Then the good stopped. I didn't enjoy church. The stand in preacher droned on 20 minutes, not past what he was suposed to go, 20 minutes past when church was suposed to go. Yeah. Then Katie was being a really big jerk. Then we couldn't go to her house. Then jake couldn't come get us, and My dad was waiting to leave the house for sarah to call, since of course she's more important than me. Agh. I hate life. In general. Not in specific. Chad and candle should hook up soon, I'm assuming, or guessing, or hoping. I don't know. I have to go. I have 8 lessons to make up.

--Down to six, thought I'd review my last nights dream, grades don't mean that much anyway. Ok, I was watching Katie practice Softball, and I was in the dugout opposite them, and they knew I was there, I just wasn't part of the team so I couldn't be in they're dug out. So then I'm like, Hey, can I try to bat, and he' slike sure, so I do and I hit it and I supose its far or something, something something something, then he's like, hey, you wnat to be on the team? Of course I say yes, but then I start to think, hey, I'm on a softball team. So I am, and Katies there, so its nice, and I get to go sit in theyr'e dug out, and then I wake up.

....etc....

well my dream last night was obscured by the fact that my music stop playing, (I'm thinking that I have to have background noise to dream, becuase the last two I remember I had music playing all niight/mitch hedberg one of them.) But from what I can remember, Chase was going to give me a ride, chase reeder mind you, on his 3 wheeler to go get chad, and none of this surprised me. Horray for bliss. Well he had parked in some lady's house near the school (???) and we were going to get in it, but it was a golf cart--not that like we were all in aw that it was a golf cart, that was just fine--and the golf cart was full of this lady's stuff. Chase says something stupid along the lines of "I guess she went cleaning today" and I laugh becuase I somehow get it. Anyway, We clean it out and theres just random crap in there, then we get on it and its a three wheeler again. Somehow none of thins strikes me as strange, I was believeing every moment of it. ....that all. The whole dream was longer, but I forgot it.

AHAHAHHA, fire alarm went off, my teacher lets it go three times, (short shrill pictch beeps with about 15 second intervals), then proclaims, "what is that?" I just wish it was a real fire. Sigh. But still funny, we strolled out casually.

---I got an 84 on my typing assignment, that sucks. Not really, but it makes me mad because I didn't even do it wrong....oh well.---

eh. chad, catch you at the stadim, but don't fall to fast, my arms aren't taht strong.

I hope I didn't get anyone to click this by having a title that sounded worth while, I just type my dreams out sometimes.

Ok, so my sister and I were somewhere, and she owed me 10 dollars, which she doesn't I don't think. Wait, my dad owes me ten (real) and he gave it to my sister to give to me. So she's like, here's the five he gave me and I go buy some slushies of some sort, and I come back and she's got all these wierd shirts that have like, blow up parts like a water mattress on them. And I'm like, this one looks like [insert neopet here] and I don't know how  I knew it, but she was like, yeah thats a neopet. Then I'm like, so give me the other 5, but she's like, I don't have it, but I can see it inlaid in her pocket so I point that out to her, and she's like, but I have to pay for Honor Society, but then I'm just like no. So she takes it and throws it into the wind which is blowing away from me. Luckily, my old Ag teacher Milligan catches it while driveing a bus. When I go and grab it from him theres this shorter version of him there to, and Milligan says its his son.

thats all.

went to katies last night. That was cool, got a hair cut, but not anything noticable, just like a couple inches everywhere to get it off my neck. They put shampoo in my hair and the likes, but the 'conditioner' smelled an awful lot like toothpaste....hmm......

all for now. If you want to hear more about katie, comment about it, I just don't want to sound obsessed.

Well first, gotta put this dream down before I forget it. I remember waking up and thinking this over and over so I would be sure to remember it, but I only remember like 4 or 5 things.

Ok, so school of some sort, the people ahve faded, so they must not have been important. Me and whoever was with me, snuck out of class or something of the sort, but it was like all future-y cas hte classes were all in different buildings or some crap, so we go in this whole in the wall. Ok. Yeah, and theres this homeless man in there cheweing orbitz gum. We like paint something with him, and he shows us how to make the orbitz gum rapper all big and we draw something on it, so we fold it up and we go back to class, but while we're going through some concrete tunnel, a police figure of some sort is like, whats that in your hands, so I try to put it back in my pocket, but he's like, thats illegal and he chases me, but I get away and...ahh, the next day in class, I tell the teacher, and he's like, oh you mean this?! and he pulls it out from behind a piece of ply wood, then I wake up....

and who said dreams made sense and had meaning?

Candles back, getting me in trouble in Computers again. I spent my weekend doing, well, nothing, I rode one Of those bikes with the one big wheel and the little bitty one at the back, and I bought some root beer. Father always complains about everything I do, but then again, who doesn't. I lent out my last signature shirt to chad, in exchange for his blue one. Umm, saw katie, after youth, that was really nice, got to swing on a hammock, and jumped over a tree aproxamitely 5 ft high. That was cool, but slightly less challenging than I expected.

I miss my old life....hahahahhahahah, thats a joke. I miss my new life, the one I'll have when I turn 18 and get away from all the adults in my life telling me I'll never have a good life. I 'm tired of all this pesimism. Maybe if someone thought it neccesary to encourage me, I might listen to what they have to say, but when all I hear from people are warnings and threats, then my respect for you drops to zero.

I'm done for now.

here's a review, first, i got home and called katie, no one answered, so I supose things were alright....

story behind that, The night before, katie had thrown up at about 8:30 while we were on the phone, I asked her if she still wnated to talk (you know for comfort) but she declined and instead decided to sleep. This would have been all fine, except at about 9:15 or so, as I was watching the news, I saw something about flu vaccine. Except that was the story, a mass distributor of flu vaccine had actually sent out the virus instead. Well this made me uneasy, what if katie were to get sick in the night and go get one of those faulty vaccines. So I was trying to pray, but my fish tank bubbles were bothering me, so I pulled on the outlet thing for the filter, and it like cut my finger and shocked me. But then It went off, I prayed and fell asleep.

So thats why it was good that no one answered, because she owuld have been home if she was sick, and someone would have been there with her, assuming she didn't die immediately, but it was all just worry, for in all reality, nothing happened after we got done talking. She went to bed, and woke up feeling fine.

So I talked to aspire to be on Aim, that was pretty cool.  So much in common, yet a couple differences. Your awesome to talk to, sorry I had to go last night. Chad called, he had In School Suspension for 2 days, today being his 2nd. His parents said he cna't come over this weekend, and he can't be freinds with jerrod. Thats sort of annoying.  Also, I'm getting megaman x 5 for playstation...whoopdedoo! I love that game, at least I think. I played one along time ago, and it looked like it. I play digimon world, because I love swimming upstream, and um, yeah, my life is pretty left wing, as they call it in government.

Hmm....Someday, I want to ride a horse with no shirt on, rephrase, I would like to ride a horse while wearing no shirt myself, and let my hair blow in the wind, then come up to a pond with a beautiful girl sitting at the waters edge, who will greet me with a kiss. That would be cool. Slightly cliched, but still uber-cool. I hope that girl is katie.

 I don't remember my dream from last night, thats unfortunate, I love my dreams. So surreal. Oh yeah. it was one where I knew it was a dream , so I lost the 'realism' of it. It was because some girl refered to my 'how's your father' and only a very select few use that term, so I just sort of let go of the dream and flew around for a while. Its no fun flying when its a dream. I love flying in dreams that feel like they're real. Aww.....I want to fly, with no machines or anything, just be able to fly. That would be cool too.

I Think that I'm done. Ich Liebe Dich Alle

...etc....

--Insert Strange lyrics---

At 2:11 On Everytime...listen closely...did she say what I think she did...Yeah, I think so....the lines right before "at night I pray that soon your face will fade away".

--end lyrics--

So aspire, on AIM, I'm Ilovekandi23, or Ilovecrazybob, witch ever you prefer. My yahoo is deweyrom, thats for both messenger and mail. I'd like to hear about your dream....hmm.....

Katie was sick last night, sort of scared me. I was talking on the phone with her, and all of a sudden she wasn't there, and when she got back she told me she had just thrown up....ew...I hope she's better. By the way, I let her off the phone at that point. Candle.........you owe me money....I have no other thoughts, plus a report to finish.....
...have a life....
......etc.........

...sigh...student council voting today....got to see all of the past years over hyped 'phenominon's imitated.
there was first 2 people who just gave speeches. Oh well, at least it wasn't annoying. Then we had some girl dressed as alice in wonderland who made quite a few allusions to drug usage, and some girl who, first did a sock puppet skit imitating napoleon dynamite, then went on to imitate the FULL dance routine at the end of the movie..hmmm. NExt was some girl who was unaposed, but she went up there and everyone was like "Yodel!" and I was like, hmm, and so I yelled yodel, and she did and I laughed. that was really funny. Then lastly was some girl, can't remember for the likes of me...oh yes, this was the alice in wonderland one, the Napoleon dynamite's person they were against just gave a speech. Anyway, the yodeling was my favorite part. Wait, the girl who went up against Alice was dressed like little john and kept saying Krunk. Very very annoying. At the same time she kept saying stuff like vote for 'her'. Oh well.

>>>>>maybe for era.!?<!--SNES O RAMA--!>

Wish I could recollect more of it. I remember there was katie, but it was an 'adventure' dream, not a dirty one. And I found these earrings, really strange earrings that I can remember perfectly. The were like little chain-mail pieces coming down about 1 inch and had a small one of those green rock things but it has some darker spots, I hope somone knows what I'm talking about, at the bottom. Any way, the appearance was insignificant. So I called up Katies dad Dan.....now If your wondering why, you 'll be more surprised as to why.....to ask if he'd like to buy some fine jewelery....wow. So maybe in the dream I was playing a joke....BUT he said yes and offered 20 dollars for them without even seeing them. He then asked whne they would be shipped, I responded that I'd bring them over next time I came over. I thought maybe he didn't realize it was me, because he replied "who is this?" ...."Dwayne"...."Oh katies boyfriend!, I'll see you then"...hmm, so in my dream, buying jewely from your daughters girlfreind isn't weierd...awsome. My life is sort of alright. Chad should be coming by today to say hi and bring me to church. Cool. NOthing more to say I supose.

...have a life....

.....etc......

INSERT...made me laugh

A guy wanted to buy a gift for his new girl friend's birthday
and as they had only started dating, after careful
consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the
right note: personal, but not too personal. Accompanied by the
girl friend's younger sister, he went to Herrod's and bought a
pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for
herself. During the wrapping, however, the clerk got the items
mixed up and the sister got the gloves and the girl friend got
the panties. The guy sent the package to the girl friend with
the following note:

I chose these because I noticed you are not in the habit of
wearing any in the evening. If it had not been for your sister,
I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she
wears the short ones that are easier to remove. These are a
delicate shade, but the sales clerk that helped me has a pair
that she has been wearing for the past three weeks and they are
hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked
really smart. I wish I was there to put them on for you the
first time, as no doubt other hands will come into contact with
them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them
off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they
will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how
many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you
will wear them for me Friday night.

All my love.

PS: The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little
fur showing.

Mitch hedberg, I don't think I'll ever forget him......2 for one is a bullship term, cas two is too big to fit in one, if it was two in one, the bottle would be overflowing.....
.....past that......
........so little remorse in my life....I live a life of no regrets, but is it the right thing? Wow, just made myself a liar, because that was just a doubt which Is sadly the first step to regret. Hmm. Katie. I don't know. Josh. I'm tired of waiting. Ashleigh. Watch yourself. Heath. No one cares. Chad. yeah... yeah...shorty go-....Jake.....college was no fun anyway......Katie....I love you.

----

Crossed my mind. Everyone thinks I was acting depressed and threatening to kill myself. couple of you caught it, but few. I would never kill myself, and never made any statements against that. "... .let him die.... ..please let him die.. .theres just no point... ...please let him die... .....".....a statement that says life has no purpose, or that life is too painful to go on living, and death is more inviting....not that I was going to kill myself.....right back at you Heath....retard.

Umm, candle's pretty cool...whats the best way to scare a bee? booby! haha....

who am I?.....

....etc.....

....stop hounding me I have diabetes!....

It took your love to reach me\
  so why did you unsheath the\
dagger forged from you lies\
  to plunge into my heart\
The lack of corrospondance/
  your half-hearted responces,/
I should have seen it coming,/
  and here's the saddest part,/
You see yourself above me\
  but still claim that you love me,\
my heart can take no more,\
  I'm glad we've reached the end.\
Though my heart you did impale/
  it was your very last betrayal./
Never again will you be to me/
  anymore than just a freind/...

....etc....

dedicated to....yeah. um. I wrote this poem in my mind, and would have forgot it last night, but I seemed very happy with the word unsheath. So as I lay awake deep into the night I managed to drag myself to the kitchen to get a piece of paper and a pencil, upon which I transcribed this 'transmorgifying' wonder onto paper. Your welcome. Love me, I'm emo, but what ever you do, don't forget, I'm ashton kutcher, I have diabetes!....

last night I dreamed Katie stopped loving me. I woke up in a cold sweat........wow, didn't know that that could happen to me, what happened to being in control of my emotions. Oh well. Ilove you katie. Have fun on the trip. I have no desire to do anything for me the rest of this week until/if chad comes over.

+1-2063130004

http://portal.jellyneo.net/

Aspiretobe, you havne't been here for a while.......never stop dreaming....
.....quite strange, the fact that I now keep and update 3 seperate blogs, with seperate content for each. Xanga is not as well kempt as this and bloglines, but it still has random updates. Now for the news.
     MC HAMMER is 41 today. Whoopty crap. ECT!....yeah.
...umm, today had better work out. I love the fact that I should be posting this on my other blog, but instead am sending it to poeple who I'm almost sure will not know what I'm talking about. In other news. I love Katie. ...if today works out...mmmm....etc.
...I feel like I want to know you aspire to be. IM me on Yahoo @ deweyrom@yahoo.com or AIM @ Ilovekandi23... you can email me at the yahoo one as well. I dont know what else to say, I supose I'm not as tired as before. ....good bye

whats love?

"There are two kinds of love  Our love.  God's love. But God
makes both kinds of them."

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears
it everyday."

"God could have said magic words to make the nails fall off the
cross, but He didn't.  That's love."

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it.
But if you mean it, you should say it a lot.  People forget."

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of
four-through eight-year-olds, "What does love mean?"  The
answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have
imagined....
 

I left out quite a few irrelevant ones. Down under. Someone just said that. Dwayne smiles.

I love onablog. greatest smallest community alive. I think that myself and aspiretobe are the most active members, whereas on a site such as xanga or livejournal people update 3-4 times a day, every day.....
  I was thinking, it would suck being named Michael Jordan and wanting to play in the NBA, unless you were the real Michael's son, because even if your really good, you won't live up to the standards set before you....but if you do surpass the standards, everyone will be disapointed that you crushed their legend....hmm, what brought that up??? I have no idea.
  So yesterday was full of non drama that I only caught the last part of, ie: drama to me but nothing to anyone else. I talked to ashleigh, I was fine then, hope that everythings kicking. Talked to Katie. Brought things down a bit. Lets face it. A lot. Tried to talk to josh, but he was busy talking to ashleigh. Ashleigh wanted to talk but it would have taken to long to explain too. talked to jake. Things are coming back up. Talked to Father...surprisingly enough, up some more...then talk to katie, just before bed....things are good again......well, thats the incredibly vauge version with names and no words....It's fine though, its all better again.
...aspiretobe....what? What do you aspire to be........
..........go ahead and check it out, its gross
....So I'm hoping candle's here today, she wans't yesterday. Maybe drop chad a ring. Josh seems like he's stopped caring. Worthless is suposed to come friday. We're out of school this friday and next. I'm going to watch Katie play softball today, that should be pleasant. Katie's going away on a band trip next week, that's going to be hard on me. I miss her as it is, now she'll be far away too. Oh well, I hope she has fun, cas otherwise it was a wasted trip. I love you Katie.
        ........end?......
...yeah...
http://www.mxtabs.net/tabs.php?path=Guitar,m,4170,Modest+Mouse,Wild+Pack+Of+Family+Dogs,152077

Well....Spring break is over, and I can't say I'm really that disapointed. Katie, you are the most beautiful person in this world. Had to throw that in. Thanks to the few of you who tried to throw in and make things better. To those of you who didn't, where were you? Oh well, its over now, and theres no use really complaining about nothing, the few people who did help were more than enough. So umm, I have DSL at home now, so I should be posting like everyday, but I don't, because I've lost intrest in my own life. Not in a sad way this time, just more intrest in another's life to care about mine, so its a happy feeling. I think I take accounting this 9 weeks, that sort of sucks, but who's to complain. I don't have anything else to say except I love you Katie, and that was already inplied.....

.yeah.

http://www.debian.org/CD/http-ftp/

http://www.nysscpa.org/cpajournal/old/11591991.htm

I was in heaven
I was in hell
Believe in neither
But fear them as well

This one's a doctor
This one's a lawyer
This one's a cash fiend
Taking your money

Back of the Metro
Ride on the Greyhound
Drunk on the Amtrak
Please shut up

Another rider
He was a talker
Talking about TV
Please shut up

This one's a crazer
Day-dreaming disaster
The origin of junk food
Rutting through garbage

Tasty, but worthless
Dogs eat their own shit
We're doing the cockroach, yeah

Doin' the cockroach, yeah
Doin' the cockroach, yeah
Yeah
Alright, not bad
...............yeah thats right, doin the cockroach...........

so, what did you all think of my long post (hahaha, long post) yesterday? I supose that most of you probably didn't read it and even if I'm wrong there's no way you can comment... hehehe,.....don't even try to comment on my xanga, because then you'd be right..... I'm such a slacker, I have a 96 in computers so I've resolved to only do work when she's looking at me. Yeah. I don't care. So my dad's trying to act like I'm some kind of crazer as they say, treats me like I'm some kind of idiot who will forget anything and tells me I've said things that I've never said and never would. Then he tells me things and when I bring them up, he denies then with all the effort he can muster. d. So I don't care, gotta go for now. Try to write more in a little bit.
.....clever analogy, or random unreal theory.....you decide.........
     my thoughts are like those stupid domino things that you line up...well not really, but thats why I use them in this example. My thoughts might not always line up (or agree) but they all work towards doing one thing. You know when you want the dominoes to turn to avoid something that would ruin them you have to make sure they still connect but at the same time stray from a linear path. Sorry if none of this makes since to you, but I'm srue at least one person will know where I'm coming from. That doesn't mean I have someone picked out that I think will understand, I'm just counting on at least one person understanding.
     Katie had a softball game last night, she got to play, thats always nice, I'm glad she has fun with it. She did like scrape her leg really bad though. I was worried I woudlnt' get to talk to her though. More than worried, and it was stupid of me. Oh well, she came through. I love you Katie. Thanks.
    Tonight, I think, ashleigh's going to bring me to Fazolli's......I'm paying for it this time though. Ashleigh, If you read this, know that you don't have to if your busy, mmk. You don't have to go out of your way for me, I feel like you are sometimes, and I appriciate it, but only if its sincere. If its from guilt or pity, then stop. I don't think its from either though, so thanks.
    Um......yeah.......glad few people read this on here so here's a URL I need to remember http://www.buycheapsoftware.com/details~productID~1791.asp ....heheh

More depression sweeps my mind,
 It seems these days its all I find.
I love my katie, and I love her dear,
 but I feel so empty, when she's not near....
My father claims I'm not a good son,
  and now he thinks, his battles won,
Just watch as my freinds, support me once more,
 And if they don't, then I'll be poor,
In mind, in body, and in my spirit,
 Please remember me, every time you hear it,
I love you......just a simple phrase,
 Yet it seems to come to me rarely these days......
I'll miss you all, but only if you let me,
 If you don't know what that means, then wait and see....
* * *

Savanah just came by, and she used to like not like me when I first came, but now she was talking quite pleasantly. I wonder if my dad knows axcatly how good of a kid i am. I'm one of very few who doesn't do drugs, stays away from sex, and keeps clear of alcohol. But then again, maybe I am a bad kid because I forget to clean my room sometimes, and don't like world history.
    So my idea is..........I don't know. Help me here. Thats all i can say, I really am in a corner this time. My dad found out that I wasn't eating but what others fed me, so now he keeps telling me I 'manipulated my freinds' and that I admitted to it. 1) I don't manipulate anyone, if they do something for me, its because they want to 2)I would never admit to something I didn't do. So now he says I'm going to a 'conseler' ie: someone who's going to think that I'm depressed and out of my mind so they can somehow say the right thing and make it all better with false pretenses, and clever phrases to keep my 'anger' down.
 So I'm against a conseler. I made Katie happy on Sunday, thats why I'm able to type this right now.....hehehe, ok actually, thats not really funny at all, but its true. Sunday was fun I supose, I'm not really happy now, I"m just wearing a mask as to not upset the faculty. Almost everything I say to an adult is a lie, mostly because they think that with age comes power, and somehow knowledge is mixed in. Well guess what all you happy idiots roaming around pointing fingures at kids, I'm smarter than you, and I'm not afraid to admit it and/or prove it. You can listen to me and reply "that doesn't make sense" but you know it does. If you can't admit it to yourself, then you need to calm down a little bit, whats that? You don't want to be overshadowed by a kid? Then you shouldn't have killed your mind in high/post-high school with drugs and alcohol. Have fun denying that one, have fun. I'm sure very few adults read this, so my thoughts are to no one. I love you katie. Thats all for now. 
---------hahahah I've always liked this song, but I looked at the lyrics today and guess what----

Sometimes all I really want to feel is love
Sometimes I'm angry that I feel so angry
Sometimes my feelings get in the way
Of what I really feel I needed to say 
Sometimes all I really want to feel is love
Sometimes I'm angry that I feel so angry
Sometimes my feelings get in the way
Of what I really feel I needed to say 

........never forget, Edit the Sad parts ....
 this is strange, its been a while since I've had a long entry.....
      I want to say, and I should have earlier since some of my readers might have left already, thank you again (sorry if I'm repetative) Ashleigh Vogle....you didn't really make me much happier for long, but you did your best and I can sincerely say you made Sunday one of the best days I've had in A LONG time. Your the best. No really. 
    I saw Chad, Josh, and Jerrod, thanks to Ashleigh, plus we got to hang out at the many parks of Perry. I had a really good time. Sorry my gratitude did not shine while it was occuring but its just been so long since I've had any real fun. I've had happiness, no way around that, but not much fun. A little, but not in such large doses. The whole Jake thing was more funny than awkward, hope there are no feelings hurt by saying that, but I was trying to dance and keep it casual. 
      Man, I can't wait until counseling, all my problems will be worked out...wait. never mind. Josh, thanks for wasting your time talking to me, that was nice, know you had somewhere to be, but thanks anyway......Father, if you read this, I'm really not in the mood to be yelled at anymore, for quite some time, and your whole idea of Fear is Respect is the biggest load of crap I've ever heard. Be lucky I'm not afraid of anything, if I cared for myself, I would hate you, but since I don't your still my dad and can do what you want, I just might not comply in the way you want me to. ....
    Spring break coming up, don't plan on spending much time with anyone in my family, my birthday should be strange. I don't care. I count on some surprising and thoughtful gifts though, plus I get to see my 2 older sisters, thats always pleasant. They dont' always tell me life is going to be bad, and even if they did, I think they could keep it down for my birthday. Articulate Subcriminal.
  Char-le, don't have any idea if I'll be able to hang out during spring break, my dad hates me, so I might need to find a way around that. Mised  you at the dance, ask anyone who knows me and you'll find out why I wasn't there. We were going to stop by but I coudn't remember your adresse.
   I found a reason I'm unhappy alot. Its because you all force me to act like something I'm not, and most of the time, thats happy. I know that thats not where it started, but thats very stressful as well. When I'm unhappy, you should let me show it, but NO! Dwayne has to smile and be happy for his dad and the general public. Thanks to all my friends who let me be unhappy when its never you guy's fault......
     "every planned occupation, surefire disapointment up ahead"    bet my parents would agree that this quote fits my life pretty well.
  My arm hurts like I got a shot in it or got punched, but its been like this for a while........sorry, whining again, need to put on a happy mood to satisify the world at large. um...i got a cord to fix my computer but I don't know if I'll actually do it becuase I'm really lazy. Every winning opinion I['m glad] I have one. Maybe more.?
   Lunch time, and here comes more...........listening to Sail away by styxx.......OH yeah, i forgot to mention that my dad figures that since he's mad he's not going to give me money to eat.......what a nice thing to do. I was actually going to start using my own money again today, but you know what, oh well. I smell someone smelling strongly of penut butter, and its sort of creepy. Over welming almost. I need to do my journal for World History, but i'm procrastinating. Still. I was suposed to do it this weekend, now theres like an hour left. Cat gave me a hug, that was pleasant, not because I have feelings for her or anything, but its just nice to know that people care. Wish more poeple showed it rather than just told it......but I can't win everything. or could I....., yes, I could, but thats not the point, I only use my authority when I'm in danger, and thats rarely. Other wise I let you all make the descision to love me.
     Jerrod, your parents are mean. 
 I'm going to go do my Journal. Probably not really, but I'll try.
  

I'm just kidding. I saw my katie last night, it was not as long as it could have been, but it doesn't matter. I love that girl. Anyway, band dance tommorow, I'm coming, just burnt a cd on the school computers.....I might list the tracks later, but probably not. I never have much to say when I'm not depressed. Sorry....?
...1)yeah white mix
...2)Stack of Pancakes Remix
...3)Tundra/Desert
...4)Mario Insane Mix
....5)Black Caddilacs
...6)Dragoste din tei
...7)Ohio
..8)Everytime
...9)Can't touch this
..10)I Miss You
...11)Breakthrough
..12)Sometimes
...13)Talking s*it about a pretty sunset
..14)Custom Concern
........15)Toxic
...16)Sail Away
.....17)Gangsta's Paradise
...18)Maps
.....19)Lounge

thats all......see you there.

......I just farted.......
 well yesterday was great, um. here we go. I had an immediate response to my sadness. Well besides the impending depression, I actually got.....taken out to dinner. I don't know if I stressed it enough last night, (ok, I do know that I've already overstressed it), but that meant alot to me. Thank you again.......
    In a strange moment of cocurrent thoughts, I found a small way to make myself happy, and came at least a little closer to being happy.....I heard these lyrics....edited them slightly to fit my puposes....then realized how true they were.......you'll notice there is very little editing...

[I was] Looking kind of anxious in MY cross armed stance
Like a bad tempered prom queen at a homecoming dance
And I claim I'm not excited with my life anymore
So I blame this town, this SCHOOL, these friends
The truth is it's myself
And I'm trying to understand myself
And pinpoint where I am
when i finally get it figured out
I've change the whole [edit bad word] plan.
....if you didn't notice, I'm the bolded part........as I was listening to this part, I remembered something bro {note to self, never say that again} said......There's got to be some reason for all this.......well, I supose the reason could be someone else. Some other poeple even. But that would be awfully convient for me, so I decided it must be my fault. .......tired of making excuses for myself.........just another reason to hate myself........last thing I need right now.........
  Thank You Alot.....all 3 of you.......Ashleigh..........Josh...........Katie............
 [don't get offended, thats alphabetical]...... I ate my own breakfast............unfortunately that all I'm doing....give it alittle time and I'll come back full time but I'm still trying to find what started it all......or something.......which is why I can't ignore it yet, becuase if its still there, then it could be back....and I don't want that.......
...........yeah...........

You've heard it before, but I'm feeling it more than ever right now. I love my katie, and I love Jesus. Those are the only two things I'm sure of, everything else could be a huge lie and I don't know it........ I have completely stopped depending on myself for food and fun. Ie: I don't eat unless others feed me. I don't watch t.v. unless I'm asked to. If no one cares enough for my uptake, I just sleep and lose weight. I know there are a lot of you who 'care' but I've never seen you here to help me when I stop eating. It's sad. I never even get phone calls from any of my 'friends'. I'm really at the edge you guys, and one girl can't hold me back forever.......stand up, unless your afraid what someone will think.............
....thats all.......

friday, no school. nothing happens. really. I think I played Mario for about 5, 6 hours that day. Waiting for a call from katie when she got out of school. 'Twas a nice day. Thats all that happened though. Worthless was around. Katie was suposed to show up, but dan messed up plans agina, mexican showed up though. For like 6 hours or something. Sort of stupid.
 Saturday.....Yay! Katie comes over. That was fun. Played mario, piano. Showed her Fruity loops on my computer. She gave me my valentines gift, Ie: britney spears greatesest hits. We listened to I miss you. She stayed a while. Then we brought her home. I love you katie, thanks..................Ich liebe dich Katja, danke.
   Sunday, we show up at mexican's house to wait for the church van. I tell worthless to cook me bacon but she won't, shes like why don't you.? I reply, I don't konw how. She goes, just do it. So I end up setting off the smoke alarm and burning some bacon. Oh well, wasns't my food to ruin anyway. Church goes nicely, I don't like sitting on the front row, but the urge to be beside mein Katja is way more tempting. Church goes fine. Lunch, I hate it. I lose weight everyday thanks to the churche's lunches. I go to blakes, katie's next door neighbor, because katies parents aren't home, and I don't want to be there with her alone. I ride they're go-kart, katie comes over, we lay in a hammock together, thats always nice.Sorry, just thought that picture was aprropriate. I stain 2 of my shirts, one earlier that day, I go with katie to her house, HER BROTHER IS THERE, calm down, to make sure she's not screwing them up and to get another shirt. As I'm in the kitchen, I see Englacius, the fish I gave her, in a bowl with a plant, looking about 2 feet from death. I clean the bowl for her...How romantic,...church, we go bowling, I win the first game, let katie win the 2nd. Pretty boring, wrestle with Tyree, he's cool. Head home....................monday, what a boring day. listened to britney on the big stereo for 4 hours, talked to ashleigh on yahoo.....some subversive plot going on there i suspect..(wink).......Call my katie, talk talk talk tatlk.............g2g,.....shower eat...............she calls back..........talk...............bed...............not a bad day at all..............
       thats my weekend, I don't care to explain my htoughts as of now.

Nother craptastic picture
What does a first love mean to you? Your first kiss? Your first girlfriend? Even your first crush? A first love, should be your last love, unless your first somehow dies in some played out cliched accident, then you can move on, but if your first love is actually love, then you should never have to move on....
    Yesterday....well, nothing much really happened after my last post, got home, called meine Katja, talked for a bit, got off the phone, took a shower, slept. Got a call back, talked, slept. Woke up this morning (it seems to me, that every night turns out to be, a little bit more like Bukouski, and Yeah! I know its a pretty good read but...) Father had to pay the cable bill so we left like 3 minutes early. Got to school, read someone else's blog, now I'm typing my thoughts....
     I think its sexy when.......... Katie's coming over thursday. this is really good. I miss her alot. hmm.....I haven't read about anyone else's life recently, so I have no comments over to you guys. Both Greg and Candle were sick yesterday.....coincidence? I think not.....*so..........My fish is still beautiful, I have to learn to cook, and I need some one to tutor me. Hows your life? haha, actually, this site does allow for comments, and multiple blogs, I'm glad that none of you have either, this is a small community, and I want it to stay that way.....I have to type a lot in keyboarding today, whats new? not my shoes, thats for sure. hahaha. So now I'm done with all my typing, waiting for the the teacher to complain...........haha, she just did.........close that window....hahahhahahahhhh

I know, its a cliche, everyone said that valentines day sucked. Well, it did. I didn't even get to see mein katja, and won't get to until thursday...At least I got to talk to her for a long time.......I think, I have no idea. It was some pretty heated discussion though. Not like sexual, like I would get mad then she would have to get me not mad and vice versa. We did talk about some really important stuff though.
         I didn't think I was going to get to sleep very easily last night, but surprisingly enough, I fell asleep imediatly after I got done praying. I only say imediatly because I can't even remember the prayer, but I do remember starting it....hmmm. Maybe I fell asleep during the prayer, in which case, sorry God. We had a muslim come talk to us in world history yesterday. He made some really interesting points, like how Allah is genderless, but we say God, which is clearly male. What do you mean, lots of people say God is a woman? Well, there are Gods and Goddesses......We have a God. Male. Good point. He also told us that arab christians do refer to God as Allah also, so are we worshiping the same god? Muslims also believe in Jesus, they do not believe that he was the son of god, but they do beleive he will save us in the end days.....sounds slightly contradictory to me, but I have no idea. Thats my religion for the day, most of you probably knew all of that already.
      I miss you katie, and I love you.
HAHAHAHHA, I could have sworn that was Erin Williams I just passed in the hall. Woot woot, its been along time since I've even remember her, if anyone from perry reads this, tell her i said hi.

.....I have very few moments of true anger these days, I try to capture the moments...... 

        Yay, I think I've figured it out, the school blocks bloglines, whenever they think it will be most inconvient to me.....I think.
       So, yesterday was sunday, that was nice I guess. Well lets back up. Saturday was the dance, I told you of this before it was then. So I go to the dance and everythings cool, except at the Basketball game meine Katja ist ignoring me......Geez, thats frustrating. I was really tired anyway, so I let some girl braid my hair......basketball is stupid, so that was like 1 hour and a 1/2 of nothing to me. Then we go to the dance. Everythings kickning, you know, katie dances with me to the slow songs, i dance with a couple of other girls to some songs. Non slow songs all the poeple who know me, let me rephrase, everyone there, tries to talk to me. I occasionally listen, but only if they look like its worth it, even then, i sometimes walk off mid-conversation to show my boredom. Then theres the whole Levi thing. No, I'm not mad at him, I'm mad out of what a big deal everyone made about it. Geez, its just a dance..............Katie knows that I love her and she loves me as well. A dance isn't going to make anydifference. So I miss you (ie:Katie and My song) comes on and we're all dancing and both of our eyes are closed just to savor the moment, then I look up, and guess who else is dancing? Well, 4 other poeple, thats 3 couples in all. And everyone else was sitting down around the edges and crap. Oh well, you guys are losers anyway. So I have to kiss katie on our song, and all i want is a long one on the mouth, you know, when you can feel the other person but not yet taste......those are the good kind. But she goes ahead and gives me some tounge, which is very unexpected, because she's embarrassed of any kind of PDA. Oh well, it still felt good. This basically sums up the dance.
         Sunday, Got home from the dance at 12, fell asleep in my clothes, woke up sunday 2 minutes before I had to leave, and then left. Guess what I was wearing. Well of course my signature outfit....Duh..........So church is nice whatever, the sermon's sort of weird, couldn't remember if I tried. Katie sat up front but I was in back cas I was playing with this little kid. ect, ect. Moving on, Katies suposed to come over, but her parents are like, no. so that sucks. I guess she's coming over today. Geez. so its the night of the banquet, ect, ect, everyone gets worked up over nothing. The banquet is nice, they have some kickin' mashed potatoes. mein katja and ich, play some piano together, thats always nice. Love to see her doing something mildly useful.....We go home, katie gets a kiss, because she diserves it. I give her her present. I leave, go home happy.

My thoughts on life......I don't care what other people think. I've said it before, but I don't think many people realize how true it is. If I do something you don't like, I'm not sorry. I don't care in the least bit actually. I think that I'm one of a kind, therefore I am. If everyone thought they were one of a kind, I'd still be better than them. That's another thing. I get to make the rules. I've just inherited that power from.........geez, who konws,  but I do make the  rules, and, if your human, you follow them. Either way, I think I'm egotistic, arrogant, and even maniacical at times. From another viewpoint, I realize how insecure I am. I love my katie, but the thought of losing her is one of very few things that can make me actually care about whats going on around me. Don't ever leave me Katie...............Its valentines day, hahaha, everyone's complaining about how much they hate this holiday, but how upset would February be about not having a holiday. So unless someone proposes a second Christmas, shut up, Valentines day hasn't done anything to hurt you......I really need to talk to....ummm, alot of different people, its great that I can't call perry on valentines day, that really cool. I'm serious, except it would be really nice to tell some people happy valentines day and I miss them. Jeez, come on dad, get long distance. I hung out with coop on Friday, that was cool......gotta go to work gotta go to gotta have a job.........I need to stop caring so much about my life

thats all for now. Someone comment......